Ray and I raced up and down the Oregon coast. We went from the big trees of the red wood forests to Idaho border. we loved laughed and Made love ....Lots of making love in that bright red Super Sport.
I loved Idaho. It seemed full of mystery from it's desert beginnings to it's forested border Nearly in Canada. It was four weeks of love and laughter and more love. Four weeks of blissful married
life, before he climbed onto that plane and flew off to become a soldier.
He hadn't wanted to be in the army. we had plans, big plans. These were plans he'd instructed
me to carry on without him. ME. I was seven TEEN! How was I to know a farm house
in Northern Idaho from some ocean front property in Arizona. How was I to go on without him?
Ray, Well Ray was always there. he and I were different sides of the same coin. I met him at my grandmother's home when I was so
very young. I was still in my braids!
I was learning things from Grandmother. She was
teaching me about the local herbs. How to warm elderberry before I tried to use it for
anything because the juice was not fit for human use till after it was warmed. She taught
me about the root of the Oregon Grape. How the old ones blessed it for those who
breathed hard and could not get enough air in their lungs to go on. How to ceremonially
clean these roots that it might be properly blessed to their bodies that they might live
a better life. I called this asthma. she called it by many names. None of them asthma! It
was to her I turned when he went to his first duty station in Viet Nam. It was she who
held me while I died the many deaths of loneliness! It was she who slowly coaxed me
back into life.
Grandmother knew of all the traditional fish trap areas of Idaho. she knew of the religions
teachings of our people. The legends of the old ones she learned as a child. She also
knew of the Missions of the Palouse. She said there were many sins against the tribe
committed at those missions. It was forbidden to speak the language of their fathers
at the mission ground. It was forbidden to speak of the legends of her people or the
healing herbs of her trade. The girls were not taught how to dress a deer or build
a home for she and her family. In the true custom of their people.....The woman always
owned the home. It was she who put it up and took it down when they were to travel.
It was she who picked from the wilds and preserved the food for winter. It was she
who waited by the low burning fire for her warrior to come home. These were all
subjects forbidden by the white man's church. It was she who sat by the fires
late at night and told us of the trickster'the coyote.
It was Grandmother who taught us the art of delivering a baby for a friend. She
taught us to dip a new born babe into the snow if it refused to fill it's lungs with
life giving breath! She taught us so many things of her way of life. Her ways
were not ours. It was better we learned them in case we needed to eat of the
Camus, cook a squirrel or:" hide" a buffalo.It was better that we knew them as
these life skills might just save our life some day.
She told of Chief Joseph's wild
flight to Montana. she knew him personally,She told of his love for the land
and the loss of so many to gain so little. She taught self sufficiency and life
skills. The one skill she could not teach was .....How I was go on with out
Ray. How was I going to learn to stand on my feet and do what needed to
be done in his absence.. These things I had to learn for myself. She did teach
me to wait quietly and not show grief for those who had not died.. She taught
me to NOT look to much like a Native when dealing with the whites. She felt
It was the white man's job to steal from the Indian!
Slowly she taught me the ways. She taught me some medicine so I could
live without the white Dr. because they were not to be trusted. She taught
me how to make soap, tan hides and many of the ways of the old ones.
She taught me to wake early so I might ask thanks to the creator for this
Day. No matter what the Day brought,sun or rain it was a gift from
the creator and there was much good in it. She taught me how to pray
for the life of my man. She had prayed for many warriors by the time
she was my age. In the learning I felt my sorrow soften and my feelings
toward the white folks more and more turn against them. Once again
she set my feet upon a new path. That was the path of friendship
toward those I didn't understand. It was to give me freedom from the
imbalance so many of us had. We never learned to live with our brothers.
One day only we would recognize the differences, It was better to
celebrate how we were alike!
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
HOPE.....2
chapter 2. Idaho. HOPE.
The highway traced the lake's shore. The Blue of the Idaho sky was mirrored in it's
choppy waters. The wind moved the trees along it's shores. Water lapped at the earthen
beaches and birds and other animals made a living on the many ponds and mud flats along the highway.
Deer, elk , and other animals were often seen crossing the road. They were no
minders of Deer crossing signs. No one taught them to read. They were often found
dead along the side of the road where they were hit by swift moving traffic in
the dark of night.
I could smell Idaho. It smelled like home. Truth was, I was very close to
smelling Montana, and Canada. I didn't think of that when I tossed a very well worn
cd into the car's player. If it was warmer I would have her windows open. Not this time
of year. Not this car. That was another car, another time....another dream..
The music took me back to the bad old days. The days of "pushing" that "ss
390" as hard as it would go along a broken one lane highway into HOPE. The road
way was nothing but a connected series of pot holes back then.Somewhere close
to Clark Fork it became a dirt track. At times Highway 100 hung precariously
over the lake and crumbled down it's banks. This could be very dangerous if
you got to close to the side of the lake in the spring of the year. The "sluff offs"
as I called them claimed many cars by pulling them into the icey waters of the
big lake. Idaho 100 into Montana was known as one of the most dangerous
highways in Idaho. Many lives were claimed in these icy waters. Now, it
is much wider with guard rails and much safer. It is beautiful. It ranges from
Marsh to deep lake...the dark blue of islands can be seen off the shores and
Hurons can be seen standing "knee deep" in the waters off these shores.
Osprey soar. Their nests are atop specially placed poles on the lakes edge.
They build nests on power poles and any other place they can get above
the water.
Many many times you cross the Clark Fork River on bridges. These
are now new bridges made to carry the heavy loads of goods brought
many days down this road from Montana and points east. In the late
sixties they were in deplorable shape. They were narrow and this was
LOGGING truck habitat. It was best to stop and let them go through
first. I believe they spent a lot of time laughing at me.
I remember how we sat by the hour while we watched for the Moose
outside of Sandpoint
There was a sign along that marsh that promised us a moose to gawp at.
I stopped nearly every day on the way home from work.. I never did get to see that moose in our
travels. I noted many times this was prime Moose area.....not far from
a golf coarse that is often teaming with men and their machines. This time
the sign is gone. There is no need for us to stop and see if we can see
Mr Moose as we travel this new improved concrete path to Home.
I remember
breathing a sigh of relief as I crossed the last bridge and thought of another sign I'd once
seen. The sign read,"turn your clocks back 20 years you have just entered Idaho!"
There was a new sign now. A new road way. they were both welcome.
This sign said,"You have just entered HOPE IDAHO!" I remember thinking
I hoped it would be
prophetic. I'd had enough of "No Hope!" we were newly weds and he
was drafted. He was gone and I was left all alone to make choices
for both of us. some of those choices he would love. Others he would
loathe. It would take a while to discover which were his choices.
It would take a long time to see there was more to this man I was in
love with. There was more to him than I had ever dreamed. None of
it was really in my dreams. This was strange times. We were in a time
of war.
On that first trip out of Hope. That trip that was so full of hope cause
I was going to get my man. I remembered, listening to the Eagles, "Hotel
California!: Everything in Idaho seemed to have been washed clean by a midnight
rain. I knew it was midnight rain as I had sat through it at midnight. It was
raining so heavily. I wasn't comfortable driving in it's rush! It rained so hard that
night the wipers wouldn't handle it. It poured while I cuddled into a blanket
in the back seat and waited for it to slow. It rained in Athol, it rained in Hayden,
and in Coeur d'Alene. It rained and I waited in a park along the highway watching
the lightening flash into the splashing waters that were big enough to be
an inland sea. A lake that had once held a secret submarine training base
for world war II. I shivered and thought of other times and how
lonely I was with out Ray to lie beside, while I watched
"God's Fireworks" and dreamed of once more being in my Man's arms!
This time as before I came up through Idaho 95. Highway 95 was narrow twisty
and dangerous.
My car was a good one. I'd been lucky with husband's choice in cars.
That Super Sport tore up the highway. It was known to need a new set of
tires more often than other cars cause I couldn't resist burning the tires
that were on it. It hugged that road and never frightened me. Even in
winter it never became unsafe or recalcitrant. It went where I aimed it.
I usually aimed it at break neck speeds. I was 18 by then. A grown woman
with a home to make for my husband, responsibilities. I even had a job in
a Sandpoint nursing home. It wasn't so much that I needed the money. I
had the tribal allotment. I had Ray's money from the service. He had a tribal
allotment. We were "well set" for young people of the viet nam era. With my
little job I could make our home comfortable and get it ready for his homecoming.
War is hell on families. Specially this one. There were so many people who
cursed the warrior, not knowing he can not choose where he is sent. They
ought to know most of them would rather be home in their loved ones arms
then away over there in their loved ones thoughts and hearts. These people
ought to know just how empty my bed is without him.
In memory, Eagles Desperado blared from the radio of the Chevy.
That 67 was fast, sleek and comfortable! It held the road like a champ. I'd loved
it on sight, with it's automatic on the floor and wooden look Dash.The back seat
was big enough to sleep in. It was more than accommodating to make love in,
My husband wasted no time in illustrating that, the day he presented me with
the keys! It was fire engine red and just my style. It was FAST and FLASHY.
It suited my personality to a tee. I thought. It was ME!
Ray was so, ever so proud that day.Our wedding day,
Ray with his coal colored eyes. Ray
with is broad shoulders and muscled arms. Ray with is fine fine six pack
of abdominal muscles and nice bum. The memory of him then still had the
power to make me lick my lips and settle deeper into the well worn seat
of the Subaru I drove with Hope strapped firmly into the back seat. She wasn't
with us then. She would come later. Not much later though. She was made
in the back seat of that Super sport. I always thought she was concieved on
his first trip home.The one I remembered so well.
We were on our way back from Fairchild.
He'd come home for a few weeks before going to Viet Nam. We were just
a couple of Kids. I was in my late teens and he was about twenty. we weren't really
old enough to have all those things we wanted. We wanted toys. We wanted
a nice home. We wanted Muscle cars. We wanted land and lakes and play
grounds. I thought I'd found them all in Hope Idaho.
I was in love with
life. I had no idea he was afraid of it. Maybe, it was death he feared. He was
going back into a land of death. He was going back to a land of jungles, snakes and a war
no one wanted. He was drafted, and I would be alone. he was going to
see our "new home town" for the very first time.
At seventeen, I was very tall, tall and red headed with eyes that mirrored
his. Our child would be beautiful! Our child would be tall and thin as
a willow. She would be built like her Mother, her Mother's mother and her
aunts before her. She would be as beautiful as My mother and as smart
as his! She would have the high cheek bones of our ancestors and the
laughing personality of her father. These were more dreams I held. More
dreams to be shattered in an instant!
I'd found this place while he was on his first tour. It wasn't on the
water but you could see the huge lake and high mountains from there.
You could almost see Montana from there. The breezes came off the
lake at night to cool the large old house. I was beginning to have it restored
It was an old farm house with the wrap around porch of another era.
The house sat on a knoll above the vast expanse of Idaho. From the many panes
of the wide front windows that opened onto the
front porch you could just make out the bridge crossing into Hope. From
the side porch you could see the lake. From the back you could see
the mountains where the bear, deer, moose and cougar lived.
There was
an old barn on the property for live stock. I already had my horse and
a milk cow. I had a big dog named Sandy and apple trees seemed to
grow wild in the back. It had just the place for a tire swing and a" lean
to" for the car. It was perfect with it's many rooms and high ceilings.
The place was heated with wood and was already being stocked toward the
winters chill. I could see it in my mind as I drove round the lake. It
sat sparkling in the late spring sun like all dreams seem to sparkle in
memory. It was bigger grander and much more comfortable in my
memories than it ever was in reality.
Someday I would learn,Ray would hate it's every nail, and shingle.
He would hate it's old rusty barbed wire fence. He would hate it's breezes and it's waves
that lapped upon the edge of the lower road. He would hate the
sign at the dirt turn off.The sign that said Lightening creek Loop. He would probably
hate me.Most of all he hated the dust and bumps in the old gravel
road leading to the place.
The home that was my respite, my miracle
would be his prison. He was to hate it on sight, but keep it from
me in his stoic quiet way. It was alright with him till he got home
from the war. When he got home we would find something better.
Perhaps I would like to live closer to Spokane, Coeur d'Alene
or some town that was more suitable to the life he would like to
live. This time, the first time; he would act as though I had acquired
a miracle just for him.
On the way to hope, I swung my red Chevy into the park along
the lake. I'd thought to pick up food for the ride home in Spokane.
I had stopped for sandwiches, Deli chicken and drinks lay in a cooler
in my spacious trunk. I parked deep in the bushes among the trees
looking off into the waters of Pend Orielle lake. I could smell
the lake, the perfumes of spring lay thick in the air. One could
lay quietly and listen to the breeze in the
trees.The land seemed to call to me.The same land that sheltered
me through the storm the night before. This is where I sat sheltered
from the winds waiting for the rain to slow.
All at once I was shy with this man I'd known all my teen years.
I wanted to strip off the pretty blouse I wore for him. I wanted
to leave my jeans in a heap on the floor of my car and show off
the swim suit I wore under. I wanted him to put his big hands on
my body. I wanted his lips on my lips and I wanted to give myself
to him as I hadn't given myself ever before. Only to him. I wanted
no one else. I wanted him to smell the clean smell of my long red
hair and touch the secret places of my body. I wanted HIM...I was
his and he was mine. I WANTED those muscular arms around me
in the dappled sunshine of this hidden spot ...and I wanted him
to find all my hidden spots. It didn't take him long to find them or
the back seat. In our haste we had forgotten one key hinge to
this plan......Birth control.....Sooner than we planned, we would
be three.
I swung that old chevy expertly into the deep gravel that was
our drive. I loved the trees and bushes that lined that old
gravel road. I didn't even notice the dust. I was to busy avoiding
the washboard and the frost heaves that made up our
road. It wasn't long before I could see our house setting midst
the ancient trees with it's pond and it's secret little creeks
that swelled to torrents when it rained. Everything was
greening, the trees were budding and the apple trees were thick
with the song of the wild bees. The old house looked almost
like a castle. It sat alone in the forest. each gable had it's own
spire, title, and vistas of the huge lake. Each many paned window looked
out upon a fresh view .....Every view was beloved by me.
The highway traced the lake's shore. The Blue of the Idaho sky was mirrored in it's
choppy waters. The wind moved the trees along it's shores. Water lapped at the earthen
beaches and birds and other animals made a living on the many ponds and mud flats along the highway.
Deer, elk , and other animals were often seen crossing the road. They were no
minders of Deer crossing signs. No one taught them to read. They were often found
dead along the side of the road where they were hit by swift moving traffic in
the dark of night.
I could smell Idaho. It smelled like home. Truth was, I was very close to
smelling Montana, and Canada. I didn't think of that when I tossed a very well worn
cd into the car's player. If it was warmer I would have her windows open. Not this time
of year. Not this car. That was another car, another time....another dream..
The music took me back to the bad old days. The days of "pushing" that "ss
390" as hard as it would go along a broken one lane highway into HOPE. The road
way was nothing but a connected series of pot holes back then.Somewhere close
to Clark Fork it became a dirt track. At times Highway 100 hung precariously
over the lake and crumbled down it's banks. This could be very dangerous if
you got to close to the side of the lake in the spring of the year. The "sluff offs"
as I called them claimed many cars by pulling them into the icey waters of the
big lake. Idaho 100 into Montana was known as one of the most dangerous
highways in Idaho. Many lives were claimed in these icy waters. Now, it
is much wider with guard rails and much safer. It is beautiful. It ranges from
Marsh to deep lake...the dark blue of islands can be seen off the shores and
Hurons can be seen standing "knee deep" in the waters off these shores.
Osprey soar. Their nests are atop specially placed poles on the lakes edge.
They build nests on power poles and any other place they can get above
the water.
Many many times you cross the Clark Fork River on bridges. These
are now new bridges made to carry the heavy loads of goods brought
many days down this road from Montana and points east. In the late
sixties they were in deplorable shape. They were narrow and this was
LOGGING truck habitat. It was best to stop and let them go through
first. I believe they spent a lot of time laughing at me.
I remember how we sat by the hour while we watched for the Moose
outside of Sandpoint
There was a sign along that marsh that promised us a moose to gawp at.
I stopped nearly every day on the way home from work.. I never did get to see that moose in our
travels. I noted many times this was prime Moose area.....not far from
a golf coarse that is often teaming with men and their machines. This time
the sign is gone. There is no need for us to stop and see if we can see
Mr Moose as we travel this new improved concrete path to Home.
I remember
breathing a sigh of relief as I crossed the last bridge and thought of another sign I'd once
seen. The sign read,"turn your clocks back 20 years you have just entered Idaho!"
There was a new sign now. A new road way. they were both welcome.
This sign said,"You have just entered HOPE IDAHO!" I remember thinking
I hoped it would be
prophetic. I'd had enough of "No Hope!" we were newly weds and he
was drafted. He was gone and I was left all alone to make choices
for both of us. some of those choices he would love. Others he would
loathe. It would take a while to discover which were his choices.
It would take a long time to see there was more to this man I was in
love with. There was more to him than I had ever dreamed. None of
it was really in my dreams. This was strange times. We were in a time
of war.
On that first trip out of Hope. That trip that was so full of hope cause
I was going to get my man. I remembered, listening to the Eagles, "Hotel
California!: Everything in Idaho seemed to have been washed clean by a midnight
rain. I knew it was midnight rain as I had sat through it at midnight. It was
raining so heavily. I wasn't comfortable driving in it's rush! It rained so hard that
night the wipers wouldn't handle it. It poured while I cuddled into a blanket
in the back seat and waited for it to slow. It rained in Athol, it rained in Hayden,
and in Coeur d'Alene. It rained and I waited in a park along the highway watching
the lightening flash into the splashing waters that were big enough to be
an inland sea. A lake that had once held a secret submarine training base
for world war II. I shivered and thought of other times and how
lonely I was with out Ray to lie beside, while I watched
"God's Fireworks" and dreamed of once more being in my Man's arms!
This time as before I came up through Idaho 95. Highway 95 was narrow twisty
and dangerous.
My car was a good one. I'd been lucky with husband's choice in cars.
That Super Sport tore up the highway. It was known to need a new set of
tires more often than other cars cause I couldn't resist burning the tires
that were on it. It hugged that road and never frightened me. Even in
winter it never became unsafe or recalcitrant. It went where I aimed it.
I usually aimed it at break neck speeds. I was 18 by then. A grown woman
with a home to make for my husband, responsibilities. I even had a job in
a Sandpoint nursing home. It wasn't so much that I needed the money. I
had the tribal allotment. I had Ray's money from the service. He had a tribal
allotment. We were "well set" for young people of the viet nam era. With my
little job I could make our home comfortable and get it ready for his homecoming.
War is hell on families. Specially this one. There were so many people who
cursed the warrior, not knowing he can not choose where he is sent. They
ought to know most of them would rather be home in their loved ones arms
then away over there in their loved ones thoughts and hearts. These people
ought to know just how empty my bed is without him.
In memory, Eagles Desperado blared from the radio of the Chevy.
That 67 was fast, sleek and comfortable! It held the road like a champ. I'd loved
it on sight, with it's automatic on the floor and wooden look Dash.The back seat
was big enough to sleep in. It was more than accommodating to make love in,
My husband wasted no time in illustrating that, the day he presented me with
the keys! It was fire engine red and just my style. It was FAST and FLASHY.
It suited my personality to a tee. I thought. It was ME!
Ray was so, ever so proud that day.Our wedding day,
Ray with his coal colored eyes. Ray
with is broad shoulders and muscled arms. Ray with is fine fine six pack
of abdominal muscles and nice bum. The memory of him then still had the
power to make me lick my lips and settle deeper into the well worn seat
of the Subaru I drove with Hope strapped firmly into the back seat. She wasn't
with us then. She would come later. Not much later though. She was made
in the back seat of that Super sport. I always thought she was concieved on
his first trip home.The one I remembered so well.
We were on our way back from Fairchild.
He'd come home for a few weeks before going to Viet Nam. We were just
a couple of Kids. I was in my late teens and he was about twenty. we weren't really
old enough to have all those things we wanted. We wanted toys. We wanted
a nice home. We wanted Muscle cars. We wanted land and lakes and play
grounds. I thought I'd found them all in Hope Idaho.
I was in love with
life. I had no idea he was afraid of it. Maybe, it was death he feared. He was
going back into a land of death. He was going back to a land of jungles, snakes and a war
no one wanted. He was drafted, and I would be alone. he was going to
see our "new home town" for the very first time.
At seventeen, I was very tall, tall and red headed with eyes that mirrored
his. Our child would be beautiful! Our child would be tall and thin as
a willow. She would be built like her Mother, her Mother's mother and her
aunts before her. She would be as beautiful as My mother and as smart
as his! She would have the high cheek bones of our ancestors and the
laughing personality of her father. These were more dreams I held. More
dreams to be shattered in an instant!
I'd found this place while he was on his first tour. It wasn't on the
water but you could see the huge lake and high mountains from there.
You could almost see Montana from there. The breezes came off the
lake at night to cool the large old house. I was beginning to have it restored
It was an old farm house with the wrap around porch of another era.
The house sat on a knoll above the vast expanse of Idaho. From the many panes
of the wide front windows that opened onto the
front porch you could just make out the bridge crossing into Hope. From
the side porch you could see the lake. From the back you could see
the mountains where the bear, deer, moose and cougar lived.
There was
an old barn on the property for live stock. I already had my horse and
a milk cow. I had a big dog named Sandy and apple trees seemed to
grow wild in the back. It had just the place for a tire swing and a" lean
to" for the car. It was perfect with it's many rooms and high ceilings.
The place was heated with wood and was already being stocked toward the
winters chill. I could see it in my mind as I drove round the lake. It
sat sparkling in the late spring sun like all dreams seem to sparkle in
memory. It was bigger grander and much more comfortable in my
memories than it ever was in reality.
Someday I would learn,Ray would hate it's every nail, and shingle.
He would hate it's old rusty barbed wire fence. He would hate it's breezes and it's waves
that lapped upon the edge of the lower road. He would hate the
sign at the dirt turn off.The sign that said Lightening creek Loop. He would probably
hate me.Most of all he hated the dust and bumps in the old gravel
road leading to the place.
The home that was my respite, my miracle
would be his prison. He was to hate it on sight, but keep it from
me in his stoic quiet way. It was alright with him till he got home
from the war. When he got home we would find something better.
Perhaps I would like to live closer to Spokane, Coeur d'Alene
or some town that was more suitable to the life he would like to
live. This time, the first time; he would act as though I had acquired
a miracle just for him.
On the way to hope, I swung my red Chevy into the park along
the lake. I'd thought to pick up food for the ride home in Spokane.
I had stopped for sandwiches, Deli chicken and drinks lay in a cooler
in my spacious trunk. I parked deep in the bushes among the trees
looking off into the waters of Pend Orielle lake. I could smell
the lake, the perfumes of spring lay thick in the air. One could
lay quietly and listen to the breeze in the
trees.The land seemed to call to me.The same land that sheltered
me through the storm the night before. This is where I sat sheltered
from the winds waiting for the rain to slow.
All at once I was shy with this man I'd known all my teen years.
I wanted to strip off the pretty blouse I wore for him. I wanted
to leave my jeans in a heap on the floor of my car and show off
the swim suit I wore under. I wanted him to put his big hands on
my body. I wanted his lips on my lips and I wanted to give myself
to him as I hadn't given myself ever before. Only to him. I wanted
no one else. I wanted him to smell the clean smell of my long red
hair and touch the secret places of my body. I wanted HIM...I was
his and he was mine. I WANTED those muscular arms around me
in the dappled sunshine of this hidden spot ...and I wanted him
to find all my hidden spots. It didn't take him long to find them or
the back seat. In our haste we had forgotten one key hinge to
this plan......Birth control.....Sooner than we planned, we would
be three.
I swung that old chevy expertly into the deep gravel that was
our drive. I loved the trees and bushes that lined that old
gravel road. I didn't even notice the dust. I was to busy avoiding
the washboard and the frost heaves that made up our
road. It wasn't long before I could see our house setting midst
the ancient trees with it's pond and it's secret little creeks
that swelled to torrents when it rained. Everything was
greening, the trees were budding and the apple trees were thick
with the song of the wild bees. The old house looked almost
like a castle. It sat alone in the forest. each gable had it's own
spire, title, and vistas of the huge lake. Each many paned window looked
out upon a fresh view .....Every view was beloved by me.
Hope chapter 1 page 1
Where to start, where to start over again......I lost it.....but I am back in hope that I can get this down without losing it one more time.....totally fiction.....chapter 1 page 1.......HOPE.
The tires of my fairly old subaru seemed to sing over the new road to an old
place. This is to take my daughter back to her roots. this trip was to see roads I
haven't seen in years and visit places she has only visited in her child hood.
I am going back in time a time of laughter and love. Another life. I guess
I best introduce myself. I am Tondra, They call me Tawny. I'm Native American
and Look it. I've been told I am beautiful. I really don't believe that, though
I know I am in "fits and starts,": or can be- very charming and outgoing and....
How does one describe herself without at once sounding arrogant and dim witted.
I keep my hair a dark dark red. I like it like that. red hair is not only a
fashion statement, but a personality statement. It says I am ALIVE and I am
youthful. I'm both those things. I'm tall willow thin and big in all the right
places. I will never be a model. They have no boobs. I get mine from my Mama
and she has a set! I get my intellect from my Dad. He is sage in his advice and
his thoughts. His thought was, I married Ray much to young, but if we worked
at it we would do alright. He and Mama did! He wished we had waited to
have baby Ally. Some things are not planned but just happen. Some of them
are happy things, some of them only seem unhappy. This is as much her
story as mine, or Ray's.
Ray and I were married just as I turned seven-teen. He was so handsome.
I remember him in his wedding clothes. His black curling hair wouldn't quite
lay down. His big muscles in his arms and legs stretched that suit to it's limits
His shoulders contoured the suit coat as none other I'd ever seen. Maybe it
was a bit small for him...Maybe he was a bit big for it. Maybe he planned it
that way. He looked good enough to eat with a spoon! I knew he hid a
phenomenal six pack of abdominal muscles and the cutest little tush in four
states under that powder blue tux.He hid other things in there too....but Daddy
ask him not to show them to me till the wedding night. He honored my father's
wish
." It's not that I hadn't had a feel or two..I just hadn't sampled the product!"
As Ray would laugh later..we were young and we were in love.
My knees wobbled so badly I was afraid the whole family would hear
them knocking together while Daddy alternately walked and carried me
"down the isle" .....through the small setting of chairs in our church yard.
I saw tears in Daddy's eyes when he handed me over to the man that
would be my husband. The man I hoped to spend my life with. He said
softly to Ray. "Remember what happens if you mistreat my baby?" Thus
he gave my hand in Marriage to this beautiful young man I loved.
I have heard the ceremony was beautiful. I don't remember to much of
it. The butterflies in my stomach seemed to take on a life of their own. I
feared I would make a mess of this beautiful arbor of flowers and friends.
That would be something to lose your lunch all over your wedding dress.
The enormity of this thing we were doing seemed to over shadow everything!
It colored the beautiful day and silenced the song of the birds and insects
in this church garden. The ministers voice seemed to drone on, till Ray
stood in front of me with a ring in his hands. This was a ring he had magically
procured from the pocket of his friend Simon. It was a ring much bigger
than the one I'd let him pick for me in town. It was white gold with a large
diamond. It glistened on my hand in the morning sun. Tears dampened my
eyes. The minister had to prompt me twice to place my ring on Ray's finger.
When the "I DO's" were said the minister introduced us to the people we
had known all our lives. "This is Mr. and Mrs. Ray Couch!" He said over
the mike.
The whole family applauded as though they were first meeting us and
were happy for it to be so! I stood rooted to the ground with my small
hand in Ray's big strong hands. It dawned on me then, at that very moment
I would have a life time of his strength and quiet self assurance to hold me
up and never let me down!He was capable of holding me up forever as
he held me up at that very moment. Believe me, He was holding me UP!
Ray chose that moment, in front of both our families; to kiss me as he had
never kissed me before. I could feel the red spots grow on my cheeks as his muscled
body held tightly to mine. God How I wanted that man! It was LEGAL! I
barely made it through the dancing, feasting and cake smearing. I even
tempted him to come help me into my traveling dress....Smiling, he turned
me down..."Later Darling, I'll help you out of it!" He whispered!
Sally, " matron of Honor," helped me. I have no idea what I would
have done with out her. Even so ; I think his help would have been
a lot less productive. I am sure, to this day it would have been a lot more
fun!!
I threw the wedding bouquet, trying my hardest to hit Sally's little sister
Jan in the face with it! I never knew who caught the durn thing. The old
shoes, cans and condoms were tied to a spanking new Chevy super sport.
IT was beautiful. It fairly glowed in the sunshine. It was Brilliant red,
The interior seemed to be made of wood, the shift lever was on the
floor and it was as fast as it was beautiful...It took my breath away.
Ray
LIFTED me into my brand new wedding gift. I could feel the leather
seats under my pastel "going away" dress! I could smell it's" New car
smell!"
"Do you like it Tawny?" He spoke into the wind driven by the
speed he was traveling.
" I love it..."I answered him in earnest, while he put a Tape into
the tape deck. Elvis blared out of the speakers and he took my
hand in his while he threaded the big powerful car from the
city to farm land near by. He took my hand in his. My left hand
with the newly minted circlet of gold and it's large diamond decorating
my hand.
"I want you to love it Tawny," He smiled as he took his hand
from mine and placed mine on his now bulging man hood.
I have to tell you, I was kind of shy of that!
"We might as well break it in!" He swerved my beautiful bright
red chevy from the paved road we'd been driving onto a dirt track into
a farmers field. He glided it's glistening red luxury into a dimly lit
barn, beside a huge piece of machinery. I turned my head while he
got out to urinate beside the big green monster! The tires were taller
than my Tall Strong man...I was amazed that he climbed into the
back seat of the Super Sport, instead of into the drivers seat.
"I told you we were going to break it in right!" he leered, as he pulled
me unceremoniously into the back with him. In that car I was
to learn all about speed! That Chevy taught me how to love it!
Ray taught me all about sex. I was destined to love him!
Much later while I lay in his arms, totally nude and not at all
shy...He told me his cousin and he planned the trip to the barn!
He thought the whole idea was so very romantic! I thought
the lovely motel room down the coast was more on my list of
romantic places! In truth I was as much in a hurry to see what
the great mystery was all about as he was in a hurry to teach me!
The way I loved that man must have made the Gods Jealous. He
was a beautiful man. His body was a statue. He had huge bulging
arms, broad shoulders and well, you figure out the rest...
"I want you to have a car you can depend upon while I am away. I
want to know you are not stalled on some road in Idaho while I am
not there to protect you! You still plan to go to Idaho to find
us a spot." He smiled cause we had talked of little else in the days
before our wedding. He would go away to learn to be a soldier
and I would go to find us a home! A home that was not listed on
any reservation lands list! He wanted Idaho for it's fishing and
hunting. I wanted Idaho because I wanted to raise lots of kids,
horses, puppies and a few cows! I wanted it to be in Idaho where
the air was still clean and the kids could grow where there were
lots of opportunities and no snakes!
I wanted to be near the" Nez Perce." This was the tribe that was
my mothers by tradition and by birth! I wanted to be near these
people, near her birth place. I just didn't want to be a part of the
reservation! I wanted my children to grow as I had. I wanted
them to have a "foot" in each world. This to me was the best
of both worlds.
The tires of my fairly old subaru seemed to sing over the new road to an old
place. This is to take my daughter back to her roots. this trip was to see roads I
haven't seen in years and visit places she has only visited in her child hood.
I am going back in time a time of laughter and love. Another life. I guess
I best introduce myself. I am Tondra, They call me Tawny. I'm Native American
and Look it. I've been told I am beautiful. I really don't believe that, though
I know I am in "fits and starts,": or can be- very charming and outgoing and....
How does one describe herself without at once sounding arrogant and dim witted.
I keep my hair a dark dark red. I like it like that. red hair is not only a
fashion statement, but a personality statement. It says I am ALIVE and I am
youthful. I'm both those things. I'm tall willow thin and big in all the right
places. I will never be a model. They have no boobs. I get mine from my Mama
and she has a set! I get my intellect from my Dad. He is sage in his advice and
his thoughts. His thought was, I married Ray much to young, but if we worked
at it we would do alright. He and Mama did! He wished we had waited to
have baby Ally. Some things are not planned but just happen. Some of them
are happy things, some of them only seem unhappy. This is as much her
story as mine, or Ray's.
Ray and I were married just as I turned seven-teen. He was so handsome.
I remember him in his wedding clothes. His black curling hair wouldn't quite
lay down. His big muscles in his arms and legs stretched that suit to it's limits
His shoulders contoured the suit coat as none other I'd ever seen. Maybe it
was a bit small for him...Maybe he was a bit big for it. Maybe he planned it
that way. He looked good enough to eat with a spoon! I knew he hid a
phenomenal six pack of abdominal muscles and the cutest little tush in four
states under that powder blue tux.He hid other things in there too....but Daddy
ask him not to show them to me till the wedding night. He honored my father's
wish
." It's not that I hadn't had a feel or two..I just hadn't sampled the product!"
As Ray would laugh later..we were young and we were in love.
My knees wobbled so badly I was afraid the whole family would hear
them knocking together while Daddy alternately walked and carried me
"down the isle" .....through the small setting of chairs in our church yard.
I saw tears in Daddy's eyes when he handed me over to the man that
would be my husband. The man I hoped to spend my life with. He said
softly to Ray. "Remember what happens if you mistreat my baby?" Thus
he gave my hand in Marriage to this beautiful young man I loved.
I have heard the ceremony was beautiful. I don't remember to much of
it. The butterflies in my stomach seemed to take on a life of their own. I
feared I would make a mess of this beautiful arbor of flowers and friends.
That would be something to lose your lunch all over your wedding dress.
The enormity of this thing we were doing seemed to over shadow everything!
It colored the beautiful day and silenced the song of the birds and insects
in this church garden. The ministers voice seemed to drone on, till Ray
stood in front of me with a ring in his hands. This was a ring he had magically
procured from the pocket of his friend Simon. It was a ring much bigger
than the one I'd let him pick for me in town. It was white gold with a large
diamond. It glistened on my hand in the morning sun. Tears dampened my
eyes. The minister had to prompt me twice to place my ring on Ray's finger.
When the "I DO's" were said the minister introduced us to the people we
had known all our lives. "This is Mr. and Mrs. Ray Couch!" He said over
the mike.
The whole family applauded as though they were first meeting us and
were happy for it to be so! I stood rooted to the ground with my small
hand in Ray's big strong hands. It dawned on me then, at that very moment
I would have a life time of his strength and quiet self assurance to hold me
up and never let me down!He was capable of holding me up forever as
he held me up at that very moment. Believe me, He was holding me UP!
Ray chose that moment, in front of both our families; to kiss me as he had
never kissed me before. I could feel the red spots grow on my cheeks as his muscled
body held tightly to mine. God How I wanted that man! It was LEGAL! I
barely made it through the dancing, feasting and cake smearing. I even
tempted him to come help me into my traveling dress....Smiling, he turned
me down..."Later Darling, I'll help you out of it!" He whispered!
Sally, " matron of Honor," helped me. I have no idea what I would
have done with out her. Even so ; I think his help would have been
a lot less productive. I am sure, to this day it would have been a lot more
fun!!
I threw the wedding bouquet, trying my hardest to hit Sally's little sister
Jan in the face with it! I never knew who caught the durn thing. The old
shoes, cans and condoms were tied to a spanking new Chevy super sport.
IT was beautiful. It fairly glowed in the sunshine. It was Brilliant red,
The interior seemed to be made of wood, the shift lever was on the
floor and it was as fast as it was beautiful...It took my breath away.
Ray
LIFTED me into my brand new wedding gift. I could feel the leather
seats under my pastel "going away" dress! I could smell it's" New car
smell!"
"Do you like it Tawny?" He spoke into the wind driven by the
speed he was traveling.
" I love it..."I answered him in earnest, while he put a Tape into
the tape deck. Elvis blared out of the speakers and he took my
hand in his while he threaded the big powerful car from the
city to farm land near by. He took my hand in his. My left hand
with the newly minted circlet of gold and it's large diamond decorating
my hand.
"I want you to love it Tawny," He smiled as he took his hand
from mine and placed mine on his now bulging man hood.
I have to tell you, I was kind of shy of that!
"We might as well break it in!" He swerved my beautiful bright
red chevy from the paved road we'd been driving onto a dirt track into
a farmers field. He glided it's glistening red luxury into a dimly lit
barn, beside a huge piece of machinery. I turned my head while he
got out to urinate beside the big green monster! The tires were taller
than my Tall Strong man...I was amazed that he climbed into the
back seat of the Super Sport, instead of into the drivers seat.
"I told you we were going to break it in right!" he leered, as he pulled
me unceremoniously into the back with him. In that car I was
to learn all about speed! That Chevy taught me how to love it!
Ray taught me all about sex. I was destined to love him!
Much later while I lay in his arms, totally nude and not at all
shy...He told me his cousin and he planned the trip to the barn!
He thought the whole idea was so very romantic! I thought
the lovely motel room down the coast was more on my list of
romantic places! In truth I was as much in a hurry to see what
the great mystery was all about as he was in a hurry to teach me!
The way I loved that man must have made the Gods Jealous. He
was a beautiful man. His body was a statue. He had huge bulging
arms, broad shoulders and well, you figure out the rest...
"I want you to have a car you can depend upon while I am away. I
want to know you are not stalled on some road in Idaho while I am
not there to protect you! You still plan to go to Idaho to find
us a spot." He smiled cause we had talked of little else in the days
before our wedding. He would go away to learn to be a soldier
and I would go to find us a home! A home that was not listed on
any reservation lands list! He wanted Idaho for it's fishing and
hunting. I wanted Idaho because I wanted to raise lots of kids,
horses, puppies and a few cows! I wanted it to be in Idaho where
the air was still clean and the kids could grow where there were
lots of opportunities and no snakes!
I wanted to be near the" Nez Perce." This was the tribe that was
my mothers by tradition and by birth! I wanted to be near these
people, near her birth place. I just didn't want to be a part of the
reservation! I wanted my children to grow as I had. I wanted
them to have a "foot" in each world. This to me was the best
of both worlds.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
The soldiers meadow!
In his arms I felt safe and warm. I could watch the Deer move into the meadow as the
day grew darker...I had no wish to ride out of here after dark. I also had no wish to
leave those comforting arms! He even SMELLED safe! His brand of aftershave was
none at all. He wore the fresh smell of soap and Man, and forest. I didn't want to
leave this place, this hour, or his arms, BUT it was time. It was time before we
became to involved in what we were both thinking of doing....This might be the prefect
place. It was not the perfect time. It was much to early in our relationship to even
THINK the thoughts we were both aware the other was thinking.
Reluctantly I rose from those comfortable arms. We rose from our nest in
the forest where we could have made either beautiful love, or a terrible mistake.
I wasn't sure which was the mistake at this point. Was it the staying or the going?
Again he took my hand that I might walk through the wilds of the meadow and negotiate
the creek. He opened the door of his old truck, and we were roaring back toward
the little town I was beginning to think of as home!
It was probably a good thing we couldn't talk over the roar of his old truck!
The thoughts that were marching through my head would have made a sailor blush!
Hadn't I ran away from my huge family to get away from an old man with clammy
cold hands and a body gone to pot, to escape these kinds of thoughts. The difference
was who was doing the THINKING.
This time it was me thinking, the impure thoughts. This man was my own age
and NO one had the right to give him my body BUT ME! There was no group of people
telling me,"You were born to be sealed to this old man with gnarly hands!"
There was no one to push my parents into compliance. No one to reward of punish them for what I
would NOT do.
Certainly at barely six-teen I would not be allowed to be alone with a youthful man
of good looks, and sweet manners! It was so ingrained into my family that only what
the Church wanted, was what God wanted! What of Free Will? What of my wishes?
It had taken a lot of courage to leave that compound in the "dead of night" with nothing
but the clothes on my back! I only had them, because good sturdy clothes hid the
marks of the lash used to "convince me" the elders of the church knew my heart better
than I!
At first, I'd gone to Nevada, to do what I knew best. I had so many sisters and brothers
that I KNEW how to take care of small children. I KNEW when they were sick, tired or
hungry. I knew how to help keep a house clean and children clean and fed. I just didn't
like the way Nevada was ran. I didn't like the gambling, the drinking, the easy morals
of the woman I worked for. Then there was the night she brought home a man for me
to "meet." Once more I'd gone off into the night. This time I had a bag full of comfortable
clothes. This time I had a car. It wasn't much of a car. It was paid for. The clothes were
hand made. They fit me! They were just plain blue, or black, or white. I didn't want "Jewel
tones." I wanted to belong to ME! This time I had enough money to drive far away into
the darkness and I used it to get me as far away as I could! I had driven till I ran out of
money, till the old car was nearly spent and I needed to replenish my purse so I could
get even further away! Now I thought I knew who or what or where my Higher Power
was leading me.....It was not to a home full of plural wives to a man I did not want!
The sight of the huge lakes of North Idaho were a revelation to me! I had no idea
there were forests as there were here. I had no idea there were such people. These were
people who didn't seem to judge me for NOT being what they WANTED me to be.
I'd driven through the Palouse. That was where the appaloosa horse came from.
The wild hills were all gone, now it was grown to wheat and other crops. The tractor
was king in the Middle of Idaho. Each small hillock seemed to be plowed and planted
in a different configuration, a different pattern to confound the winds that seemed
to blow day and night! If the appaloosa horse ranged these grounds it was no wonder
he had huge lungs. To traverse these grounds he would HAVE to be strong of limb
and lung!
I'd seen a sign that said something about a lake. I thought I would drive to
the head of that gem of a lake and eat my lunch. I drove for half an hour, till I
breasted a hill into a small town. A hill into another century. I drove that old limping
"Olds" of mine into the arms of people who had rarely heard of plurals. I found a place
to stay. It was locally called "the shacks" but the rent was right. I found a job that
very day! My old car even had a garage, I could pull the door shut and no one would
see the Nevada plates. No one would put me together with that girl with a whole, and
different life a couple days drive from Twin Rivers!
I thought on telling him all of these things as we rode to town. He drove more
slowly now. He was not in a hurry to let me leave his side. I recognized that, and smiled!
"What are you thinking?" He took his hand from the stick shift on the truck long
enough to squeeze my hand.
"I'm thinking of the past, and yearning for a future!" I kept smiling.
"That is a puzzling answer!" He squeezed my hand in his warm and tough
grasp.
"Actually, I was storing away our day in,The Soldier's Meadow!" I squeezed
back. "That is a beautiful place. Thank you so much for sharing it with me!"
I felt as though I had fallen through the rabbit hole and my new name should be
Alice!
"You never give me a square answer! You seem to find a way to avoid
every question I ask. Why are you such a secret? " His face was intense though
the gentle way he held my hand never changed. He was asking, he was not demanding!
"Someday when you have more time than we have now, I will tell you the
story of my life!" I quipped."Remember,I live in the "party shacks?" I released
his hand and placed my hand on his knee. "I would love to do this again soon!"
I kissed him very quickly as I fled from that old rusty pick up and his waiting arms!
I literally fled from his truck and into my own little house! I heard him
gun the engine while I ran inside, turning on lights as I went. I didn't know why
I was suddenly so afraid of his company. I just knew I HAD to get away!
day grew darker...I had no wish to ride out of here after dark. I also had no wish to
leave those comforting arms! He even SMELLED safe! His brand of aftershave was
none at all. He wore the fresh smell of soap and Man, and forest. I didn't want to
leave this place, this hour, or his arms, BUT it was time. It was time before we
became to involved in what we were both thinking of doing....This might be the prefect
place. It was not the perfect time. It was much to early in our relationship to even
THINK the thoughts we were both aware the other was thinking.
Reluctantly I rose from those comfortable arms. We rose from our nest in
the forest where we could have made either beautiful love, or a terrible mistake.
I wasn't sure which was the mistake at this point. Was it the staying or the going?
Again he took my hand that I might walk through the wilds of the meadow and negotiate
the creek. He opened the door of his old truck, and we were roaring back toward
the little town I was beginning to think of as home!
It was probably a good thing we couldn't talk over the roar of his old truck!
The thoughts that were marching through my head would have made a sailor blush!
Hadn't I ran away from my huge family to get away from an old man with clammy
cold hands and a body gone to pot, to escape these kinds of thoughts. The difference
was who was doing the THINKING.
This time it was me thinking, the impure thoughts. This man was my own age
and NO one had the right to give him my body BUT ME! There was no group of people
telling me,"You were born to be sealed to this old man with gnarly hands!"
There was no one to push my parents into compliance. No one to reward of punish them for what I
would NOT do.
Certainly at barely six-teen I would not be allowed to be alone with a youthful man
of good looks, and sweet manners! It was so ingrained into my family that only what
the Church wanted, was what God wanted! What of Free Will? What of my wishes?
It had taken a lot of courage to leave that compound in the "dead of night" with nothing
but the clothes on my back! I only had them, because good sturdy clothes hid the
marks of the lash used to "convince me" the elders of the church knew my heart better
than I!
At first, I'd gone to Nevada, to do what I knew best. I had so many sisters and brothers
that I KNEW how to take care of small children. I KNEW when they were sick, tired or
hungry. I knew how to help keep a house clean and children clean and fed. I just didn't
like the way Nevada was ran. I didn't like the gambling, the drinking, the easy morals
of the woman I worked for. Then there was the night she brought home a man for me
to "meet." Once more I'd gone off into the night. This time I had a bag full of comfortable
clothes. This time I had a car. It wasn't much of a car. It was paid for. The clothes were
hand made. They fit me! They were just plain blue, or black, or white. I didn't want "Jewel
tones." I wanted to belong to ME! This time I had enough money to drive far away into
the darkness and I used it to get me as far away as I could! I had driven till I ran out of
money, till the old car was nearly spent and I needed to replenish my purse so I could
get even further away! Now I thought I knew who or what or where my Higher Power
was leading me.....It was not to a home full of plural wives to a man I did not want!
The sight of the huge lakes of North Idaho were a revelation to me! I had no idea
there were forests as there were here. I had no idea there were such people. These were
people who didn't seem to judge me for NOT being what they WANTED me to be.
I'd driven through the Palouse. That was where the appaloosa horse came from.
The wild hills were all gone, now it was grown to wheat and other crops. The tractor
was king in the Middle of Idaho. Each small hillock seemed to be plowed and planted
in a different configuration, a different pattern to confound the winds that seemed
to blow day and night! If the appaloosa horse ranged these grounds it was no wonder
he had huge lungs. To traverse these grounds he would HAVE to be strong of limb
and lung!
I'd seen a sign that said something about a lake. I thought I would drive to
the head of that gem of a lake and eat my lunch. I drove for half an hour, till I
breasted a hill into a small town. A hill into another century. I drove that old limping
"Olds" of mine into the arms of people who had rarely heard of plurals. I found a place
to stay. It was locally called "the shacks" but the rent was right. I found a job that
very day! My old car even had a garage, I could pull the door shut and no one would
see the Nevada plates. No one would put me together with that girl with a whole, and
different life a couple days drive from Twin Rivers!
I thought on telling him all of these things as we rode to town. He drove more
slowly now. He was not in a hurry to let me leave his side. I recognized that, and smiled!
"What are you thinking?" He took his hand from the stick shift on the truck long
enough to squeeze my hand.
"I'm thinking of the past, and yearning for a future!" I kept smiling.
"That is a puzzling answer!" He squeezed my hand in his warm and tough
grasp.
"Actually, I was storing away our day in,The Soldier's Meadow!" I squeezed
back. "That is a beautiful place. Thank you so much for sharing it with me!"
I felt as though I had fallen through the rabbit hole and my new name should be
Alice!
"You never give me a square answer! You seem to find a way to avoid
every question I ask. Why are you such a secret? " His face was intense though
the gentle way he held my hand never changed. He was asking, he was not demanding!
"Someday when you have more time than we have now, I will tell you the
story of my life!" I quipped."Remember,I live in the "party shacks?" I released
his hand and placed my hand on his knee. "I would love to do this again soon!"
I kissed him very quickly as I fled from that old rusty pick up and his waiting arms!
I literally fled from his truck and into my own little house! I heard him
gun the engine while I ran inside, turning on lights as I went. I didn't know why
I was suddenly so afraid of his company. I just knew I HAD to get away!
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
The Glen
"I've heard the term Awe inspiring all my life," I whispered."This is what they were talking about!"
Everywhere I looked there was beauty. The high mountain stream danced through the meadow it sung a melody I could not quite make out. I knew angels could sing along. The creek danced over rocks and into pools teaming with brook trout. Small water falls came from high in the mountain and formed into sprays while it made other small water falls. Once more it wove it way through the high meadow.
Trees were beginning to narrow the glen growing deeper and deeper into the meadow. I wanted to dance beside the waters edge. I wanted to sing along while meandering through the meadow filled with lupine, Indian paint brush and vetch. I wanted to eat of the huge Berries hanging from the brush. They seemed to hang there by a magical hand. The air was filled with perfume. The magical had seemed to of hung them for the many many birds who sung only for us.
We ambled quietly along on foot deeper and deeper into the meadow. Jack took my hand in his while we crossed the creek on moss covered rocks. I left my small hand in his large strong fingers. He held it long after we were safe and I was content to leave my hand in his. We followed a very old track past a "down in the heals" looking old shack, hidden deep in the glen...We were drawn deeper and deeper into a valley with a view Even God
would be proud to call his own! He was near by. I could feel his presence in the air we
breathed and the dancing of the waters.
We were alone here, we were safe. I had forgotten what it felt like to feel "safe," I'd not felt safe since I was a small child. Even my sense of smell was heightened. I could smell the cedar, the pine. My nostrils flared at the smell of the dust in the high mountains. I could hear the buzzing of the insects, bees, fly and butterflies danced through the clear air. I could feel my hand in his,somehow I knew he would go no further than I would allow. I was like the doe...
I could feel rather than see the timid step in the deep mulch of the forest. She could be seen testing the air before she walked into the open of the glen...
Jack and I
stood stark still while she sniffed the air and nibbled on the buck brush that sprouted all about her. A fawn stepped on wobbling new legs. She too, was timid and afraid but slowly followed her Mama, into the glen. She was a new born babe, I believe from this day to this we witnessed her first meal when we saw her stretch her tiny neck to nurse at her mother's breast, while her Mama grazed calmly, unafraid of those wild things that could be hidden in the deep forest.
I could barely speak, the beauty held us in thrall. The doe and her fawn were a gift
we were not expecting. The whole scene was something I would have never dreamed.
An osprey soared and danced on the wind over the shining waters of the deep blue lake I could see in the distance...At times the osprey was a speck high in the clear blue sky. We could hear it
calling to it's mate.
I sat on the ground like a child. For the first time in many many years I knew I was home. Twin Rivers was going to be my home for life. I never wished to be any where else. I knew little of this man I was with. I knew he worked hard, he was a lumber man and it was all hard work. I knew he was only home on week ends. I knew he had a big heart,and an open smile. No where in MY world had anyone ever given me a gift of friendship, without asking something of me in return. It was normally more than I wished to give.
I watched the doe and her fawn feed quietly in the edge of the glen, and the birds do the
dance they had performed for a million years. I watched the man out of the corner of my eye. He was openly watching me....And still he was silent. There seemed to be nothing more on his mind than the beauty before us and the time we had together...
Yes! I was in Awe.....
Everywhere I looked there was beauty. The high mountain stream danced through the meadow it sung a melody I could not quite make out. I knew angels could sing along. The creek danced over rocks and into pools teaming with brook trout. Small water falls came from high in the mountain and formed into sprays while it made other small water falls. Once more it wove it way through the high meadow.
Trees were beginning to narrow the glen growing deeper and deeper into the meadow. I wanted to dance beside the waters edge. I wanted to sing along while meandering through the meadow filled with lupine, Indian paint brush and vetch. I wanted to eat of the huge Berries hanging from the brush. They seemed to hang there by a magical hand. The air was filled with perfume. The magical had seemed to of hung them for the many many birds who sung only for us.
We ambled quietly along on foot deeper and deeper into the meadow. Jack took my hand in his while we crossed the creek on moss covered rocks. I left my small hand in his large strong fingers. He held it long after we were safe and I was content to leave my hand in his. We followed a very old track past a "down in the heals" looking old shack, hidden deep in the glen...We were drawn deeper and deeper into a valley with a view Even God
would be proud to call his own! He was near by. I could feel his presence in the air we
breathed and the dancing of the waters.
We were alone here, we were safe. I had forgotten what it felt like to feel "safe," I'd not felt safe since I was a small child. Even my sense of smell was heightened. I could smell the cedar, the pine. My nostrils flared at the smell of the dust in the high mountains. I could hear the buzzing of the insects, bees, fly and butterflies danced through the clear air. I could feel my hand in his,somehow I knew he would go no further than I would allow. I was like the doe...
I could feel rather than see the timid step in the deep mulch of the forest. She could be seen testing the air before she walked into the open of the glen...
Jack and I
stood stark still while she sniffed the air and nibbled on the buck brush that sprouted all about her. A fawn stepped on wobbling new legs. She too, was timid and afraid but slowly followed her Mama, into the glen. She was a new born babe, I believe from this day to this we witnessed her first meal when we saw her stretch her tiny neck to nurse at her mother's breast, while her Mama grazed calmly, unafraid of those wild things that could be hidden in the deep forest.
I could barely speak, the beauty held us in thrall. The doe and her fawn were a gift
we were not expecting. The whole scene was something I would have never dreamed.
An osprey soared and danced on the wind over the shining waters of the deep blue lake I could see in the distance...At times the osprey was a speck high in the clear blue sky. We could hear it
calling to it's mate.
I sat on the ground like a child. For the first time in many many years I knew I was home. Twin Rivers was going to be my home for life. I never wished to be any where else. I knew little of this man I was with. I knew he worked hard, he was a lumber man and it was all hard work. I knew he was only home on week ends. I knew he had a big heart,and an open smile. No where in MY world had anyone ever given me a gift of friendship, without asking something of me in return. It was normally more than I wished to give.
I watched the doe and her fawn feed quietly in the edge of the glen, and the birds do the
dance they had performed for a million years. I watched the man out of the corner of my eye. He was openly watching me....And still he was silent. There seemed to be nothing more on his mind than the beauty before us and the time we had together...
Yes! I was in Awe.....
Sunday, May 3, 2009
The Glen..TWo rivers...a fiction
North Idaho is a place of wonder. Around any corner one could find a
gem of some sort or another...It's called "The Gem State" for a reason.
It's not just because of the mineral deposits God saw fit to leave lie around.
It is truly beautiful. The bad news for Idaho,was Humanity!
The likes of which can only be guessed. The famous and the infamous
walked the board walks and rode the stern wheelers across the big lake.The Natives used to camp, fish and harvest their berries along the dancing waters. That was before, Before there was A Gold Rush!!!
The likes of Calamity Jane,
Wyatt Earp and his wife and many others have been through the "silver
valley" since Noah Kellogg's fabled "Jack Ass" supposedly kicked a chunk
of dirt off of a shelf of silver! If That silver was nearly the undoing of North
Idaho, First It became it's salvation! They had to mine that ore, be it silver,
lead, or gold! Then they had to smelt it. The sulfuric acid from the smelter
was enough to eat the lining off your lungs, or the paint off your car. It was
enough to turn a beautiful forest into a waste land. It turned beautiful flowing
water into a muck that poisoned killed and destroyed what ever it touched!
Man had a real affect on North Idaho's silver valley. The grave yards are full
of those who's lives it changed!
"Jack, I don't want to see the distraction of the area. I want to see the
wonders you promised! I want to see the deer, the elk....and perhaps a bear
or two! Can we do that?" I smiled as we roared down a "goat trail" in a
speeding pick up truck. I could barely see the track he followed, He followed
it at a very high speed. I was glad he'd fussed with the seat belt when he so
unceremoniously stuffed me into this thing!
Jack jocked his old pick up through the bushes pushing over small trees as he went. The Bull pines stood like soldiers against a blue sky. The limbs half way up seemed to be dead or dying. The Douglas fir were a prettier tree with it's radish colored bark and rich foliage. My favorite were the Hemlock and cedar trees growing in tall splendor on the ridge and flat of our route..We'd splashed through several small creeks "crick" in Idaho. We were coming up on a very big "crick" Jack followed the banks of the larger creek for quite a while before he came to a spot that was obviously the local "ford" It was the place of many tracks on both banks of the deep green water. I hung off What is lovingly called the "OH CRAP" handle on that pick up truck! The creek was deep this time of year and the floor of the creek was NOT all to gether level!
Jack must have seen me make the grab for the "Ohhh Crap" handle. He smiled a bit and slowed to a gentle roar! "First let me tell you about the "HAUNTED GLEN." He was pretty pleased
with himself. "During the Civil war there was an old boy who came to town once a month to buy supplies with gold coin. He only showed up once a month. He only bought what he needed and he never threw his money around. No one ever knew where it came from, or where HE went! One day it was noted that he had stopped coming to the store! There was some hue and cry...But his body and his cache of money were never found!"
"This time of the day there is only wild life. The Deer and elk love this area. I've always thought there were natural salt licks around the valley. I think they are natural. Some of the old boys around here who have to live on "rocking chair" Unemployment, money from the state aren't to careful where they leave salt blocks lay around ..That's against the law you know. Well NOT really against the law to put salt out for the animals. It's against the law to hunt where you have been placing salt licks for the wild animals!" He smiled at me and nearly hit a big old bolder ...."I wonder who left that THERE!" he chuckled....
"This was all glaciated during the ice age. There was a huge ice block that blocked water from way above Missoula Montana. This was all a part of Lake Missoula! Lake Missoula backed up water clear into the Rathdrum prairie, down by Coeur d' Alene! The small ponds and pot hole lakes were all a part of that! These big rocks you see tossed out here like building blocks tossed by a spoiled kid, were left here by a receding glacier! So literally, I suppose God, or Mother Nature LEFT that there!" He grinned around a tooth pick he'd been chewing on. I held onto that handle and occasionally hit the imaginary "air brakes." If you have ever been in the woods with a man who Knows his way around and is showing off a bit you KNOW where those air brakes ARE! He seemed to be showing off a GOOD BIT!
I could smell the smells of spring. I could smell the wet bark the spring flowers waking from their snow covered beds. The sky was blue as blue as water. White clouds floated lazily by. The creek sung to us when ever we could hear it over the roar of the truck!
"STOP" I yelled!
Jack did as he was told. He locked that truck up so tight a pencil couldn't of got out of it's mufflers! The truck slid sideways in the mud! If there would have been anything dry out there, it would have been DUST!...
"Would you shut this thing off for a minute?" I was not really happy. I'd been jerked around, battered and flailed by every bit of junk that was ratting around in that old truck! When he'd shut it down the silence seemed eerie! There was NOT a bird, or a bee to buzz; the air was so very still.
"Jack, I couldn't see a game animal if I had Super Man's glasses! The noise of this old truck has ran off every thing for miles and miles. It is wonderful out here....I love it! I love the sounds the smells and the gifts that have been offered to us! I can't enjoy them while I am hanging on for Dear life so you can barrel through this beauty to get to Lord only knows what could be better! Just stop, please, I want to get out. I want to walk around. I want to touch, see and even TASTE a few things while I am here. Most of all I want to live another day to see more and more of the things I've NEVER seen before . If you keep us moving at the rate you were going there is NOTHING to guarantee I will be able to DO that!"
"OK! He opened the door of the truck and sat with one foot on the door jam! I'm glad you told me! Now we are getting some where! You have to tell ME what you LIKE. You also have to tell ME what you don't like. I do not read minds. MOST of the people of this area have been here before. This is not new to them. This is just woods! There is nothing spectacular about it!"
"JUST WOODS! I sputtered!...Jack where I come from there is no forest. there are rattle snakes, you don't walk around those areas without a gun! Yellowstone is just a skip and a jump! I love elk, deer and Moose. I love these lush green forests. This is wonderful to me! I haven't seen ONE sage bush in several weeks! I can GET into THAT! I don't care for sage brush! I don't care for rattle snakes! I don't like spuds all that well! Specially Spuds planted and growing in fields for miles and miles and miles! We are in the BEST part of Idaho. Southern Idaho is pretty much a desert! You didn't even KNOW I AM from Idaho, did you?"
"I knew you weren't any hot house flower, California gal! I brought you out here to show you my favorite spots...This is one...As it happens the Glen is just up the road a bit! I want you to see it before we have to go back and get you to work! Do you mind if I start up the truck one more time so we can do that?" He picked up the green felt hat and pulled it down on his head!
"OK, Start it up!" I giggled. "Jack, where did you get that hat?" I strapped back into the seat belt.
"It's tradition! My Dad wears one. His father in law wears one! It's like the staged off black pants and the suspenders...A good logger never leaves home without them! I left my cork's at home! A man don't come courtin' with his Corks on!"
He drawled his words so he sounded like he was from the Waaaay back woods....
"Is that what we are doing, are we courtin?" I tried to mimic the spin he'd put on those words! "Shoot Man! We could have done that by the river! We could have done that by the lake, or on my couch! We didn't have to drive all the way out here to COURT!" I was giggling, for the first time since we'd gone out there I'd actually relaxed!
"What in the hell are Corks? and PLEASE...buy a base ball cap! I've been wanting to snatch up one of those green felt hats and use it for a frizbee since I got up here!"
"Where are you from Robin? You are from Idaho? What part of Idaho?" He wasn't driving so fast or hard so he could actually talk....This didn't take the skill he had been putting into his driving. I was beginning to think someone had entered us in a race, and forgot to tell me!
"I'm from the deepest darkest part of Idaho. I'm from a part of Idaho very few
have ever heard of. I'm a mystery woman who sprung from the desert like
a cactus. I'm a mystery. just like your Soldier who owned the Glen!"
He stopped on the very edge of a mountain where we could look down and see, and see, and see......It seemed to go on for miles and miles and miles...and beyond those trees was a lake, I could see it like a desert mirage...It was a lake so far away. On this day of clear clean air I could see it was there....I could see there was a boat....It seemed to be going round and round and round....but I could not hear the boat....I could hear birds singing. I could hear them and see the squirrels high in the trees! Deer played in a meadow flanked by willows and bushes that grew along creek beds...
Jack Unsnapped the seat belt and pulled me into his arms....".NOW I have YOU...You are my prisoner...NO ONE but ME knows you are HERE! I can
Do MY will with YOU!!! Bawwwwwwwhahaha...".His fake laugh robbed his
delivery of those words with any malice! The kiss that rocked me to my toes
NOW that had POWER!
Saturday, May 2, 2009
part 3 fiction, not real.....
That was about the same time I noted that Jack was blushing.....I don't mean he looked like he was sun burned...He looked like he just woke from one of those dreams...You know the dream where you dream you are in school...in your "Night wear"....And there's a hole right in front
So everyone can see your "shortcomings!"That very thought caused me to look Down!! My heavens! In my haste to see what was going on in my garage..I'd thrown on the first thing that came to my hands. That happened to be the wet white shirt, I'd washed out the night before!I'd hung it over the shower..It was still very wet..Still very silken....and If there had been a wet tee shirt in our town on that day. I would have won, Hands Down. "Let IT All Hang OUT!" was a tag line from a very popular tv show. I was, doing it!...There was NOTHING left to any one's imagination! I was wet and COLD...and every bit of me was standing up to give me NOTICE of that fact!... That shirt was clinging to every ounce of my bust line and very transparent!..Since I didn't take time to put on a bra.....Well he had reason to blush! So did I....I beat a hasty retreat to the inside of my little house to find a blouse....Any blouse that was not plumb see through!If there was anything left to be imagined....His imagination was definitely running riot!I turned and ran to my bathroom to put on a bra....A tee shirt....and a heavy flannel shirt! It was definitely closing the barn door after the pony got away! My face was flaming red in my mirror! It seemed I'd searched most of my life for a man who would look me in the face...And I knew he would be GONE when I got back out there...what was a girl to say?"NO you can NOT pet the puppy with the Brown nose,was taken!"
He was a nice fella' and I knew he was there to help me! I'd ruined it! I was so worried about my old car! I'd ran right out there, half naked! I felt like, well I felt like such a BOOB! If he was still there when I was dressed like a lady, would it mean he was NOT the gentleman I thought him to be?
I stood rooted to my bathroom floor...messing with my long hair...dressed and buttoned nearly to my nose! I hoped he would be there when I got back. I also hoped he would be gone. I knew he had been embarrassed! THAT was a good sign! I was so embarrassed I didn't know if I could face him again! I stood there till I was sure he was done doing what ever it was he was doing to my car...
"Robin, I hope you don't mind...I washed the grease off my hands in your kitchen sink...I think I got most of the mess cleaned up! I checked the oil in your car. There wasn't much on the Dipstiiiiick!" He stammered..
I was facing him now across the tiny area that was my kitchen, living area! I'd left the door open in my wild run for the house.."He'd done the normal thing a nice man would do. He followed me in to make sure I was OK!"At least that is what I told myself!
"I added some oil while I was in there!" He was looking me steadily in my eyes.
I ran my fingers down the opening, just to check to see that all my buttons were done! My mind was NOT on the car and it seemed like every thing he said had a double meaning! I was doing my best not to giggle! I hated giggling teenagers. I figured he wouldn't like that either!
"You need to watch that, Robin! I don't think your dip stick had anything on it! I'd like to change that for you soon as I have a chance. I was glad to see you had some in the back."
I could see it was going to take us a while to get back to normal conversation!"Thank YOU, Jack! You don't know how I appreciate the tires and all your help with my car..The oil should
be fine. I just had it changed a few days ago..Lets hope it was just so clean you couldn't see it!"
I tried to smile. I really didn't feel like talking about "dipsticks, or lube!"
"All RIGHT Jack, I'm now completely, if not artfully dressed! I'm sorry! I heard you in my garage and I don't know what kind of people live here! I've been here a week, the only place I've been was to work and home! I am so very sorry! I feel so stupid, I embarrassed both of us. I want you to know how I appreciate your hard work, Your caring is very touching!" I stammered..".Now I've gone from dipsticks to TOUCHING!" Once I get my foot out of my mouth, I'd like to say thank you properly and at least offer you a cup of hot coffee!"
The smell of coffee brewing was wafting through my kitchen. What a DEAL! He'd
made coffee while I was hiding in the bathroom! I busied myself with two cups, Milk and Sugar.
I debated with my self a little over the offer of Milk, at this point in our conversation...I decided against it. I would just put it on the tray when I set up the table He was already seated in one of the three chairs. He was a nice man. I kept my fingers crossed I was right! It's very hard to serve coffee with one's fingers crossed!
"Thank you so very much Jack! you don't know how nice it is to have someone thinking
of me with no motive, only friendship in mind!" Each word seemed to fall like one more
shovel full of dirt on a coffin! "I mean, THANK YOU. Now why don't I just drink my coffee and shut UP!"
"You said you have been here a week?" His red face showed he HAD been thinking the same way my mind was flowing....Like a Sewer through Sodom..."Some of the guys said there was a new lady in town! New people are kind of a novelty here!" He sipped his coffee, poured some more milk with it and stirred while he waited for me to make some sort of comment....It was awfully hard to make a conversation when you were the only one talking! I did my best to pick up the conversational Ball!
"Robin, I'll go out and come back in again, if it will make you more comfortable!" He smiled a little. It was NOT the embarrassed kind of smile he'd been wearing. "I brought the tires cause I wanted an excuse to see you again."
"You certainly did THAT!" I nodded! It was just the sort of remark that made everything seem normal again! We both started laughing at our own reactions and embarrassment. The air was clear. The double meanings stopped hanging around like spider webs in an old shed! Suddenly we were two new friends having coffee on a sunny morning in April! The daffodils were nodding and the world was sitting right again.
"I actually thought you'd gone! I thought I heard your pick up start and go." I studied his face. I hadn't noticed how very tall he was.
"I loaded my tool box and threw the trash in the back! Honestly, Robin; I thought of going. I really did. I didn't know how I was going to get us back to where we'd started out. We had a good start on being friends. THEN phhhhhttt! it was gone! I think I'd like us to be friends. Fran told me you are a special sort of gal who has been through the "fires....." I don't know what that means. Fran is a little psychic some times! If she likes you, she likes the Hell out of you! If she don't like you, she has no time to waste ON you. She is really fond of you. I hope she is as fond of me!"
"I'll have to remember to Thank her later!" I reached across and poured a few teaspoons full of milk into his cup. "I think I would like to be friends with you, too!"
"Do you have time to go out for a ride,My Friend?" He unbuttoned the top three buttons of the flannel I wore. I'd managed to put it on like a suit of armor. "I think it will be pretty warm for that, but we can turn on the air in the truck!"
I removed the flannel and tied the sleeves around my waist! "What you got in Mind Friend?"
I just couldn't help it. I had to giggle! He was working so hard to look at my face!
"Would you like to hear a little about the history of the area? This place has lots of interesting history and legend that goes with it! There are some neat places here. I'd love to be the first to show them to you. Have you ever been to a Haunted Glen?"
"As a matter of fact, I NEVER have! Can we be back in time for me to get to work? Should I take my work clothes with us? I can always change at The Inn." Fran don't really mind if I am on the Minute. I owe her about five from yesterday! I probably should be there a little early today. If I am NOT, she will forgive! She is a neat lady, you are Right!"
"If you like to take pictures bring your camera, It's not far from here, but it is usually
better for ME to prepare for anything that MIGHT happen in the woods. Bring your
work clothes. There aren't many people in the Glen this time of year. The road in is kinda soggy. I know I can make it both ways cause I was in there yesterday." He picked up the Bag of stuff I handed him, I picked up my purse, we locked my house. He stowed my things behind the seat of his truck helped me up into it. I needed a ladder! He finally just picked me up and sat me in the seats, made a big deal of setting the seat belt, for me! I was impressed by his gentle ways, his strength, and the honest way he'd handled the rift my stupidity had caused in our fledgling relationship! He was quite a man, My new Friend!
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