The soldiers meadow!

In his arms I felt safe and warm. I could watch the Deer move into the meadow as the
day grew darker...I had no wish to ride out of here after dark. I also had no wish to
leave those comforting arms! He even SMELLED safe! His brand of aftershave was
none at all. He wore the fresh smell of soap and Man, and forest. I didn't want to
leave this place, this hour, or his arms, BUT it was time. It was time before we
became to involved in what we were both thinking of doing....This might be the prefect
place. It was not the perfect time. It was much to early in our relationship to even
THINK the thoughts we were both aware the other was thinking.
Reluctantly I rose from those comfortable arms. We rose from our nest in
the forest where we could have made either beautiful love, or a terrible mistake.
I wasn't sure which was the mistake at this point. Was it the staying or the going?
Again he took my hand that I might walk through the wilds of the meadow and negotiate
the creek. He opened the door of his old truck, and we were roaring back toward
the little town I was beginning to think of as home!
It was probably a good thing we couldn't talk over the roar of his old truck!
The thoughts that were marching through my head would have made a sailor blush!
Hadn't I ran away from my huge family to get away from an old man with clammy
cold hands and a body gone to pot, to escape these kinds of thoughts. The difference
was who was doing the THINKING.
This time it was me thinking, the impure thoughts. This man was my own age
and NO one had the right to give him my body BUT ME! There was no group of people
telling me,"You were born to be sealed to this old man with gnarly hands!"
There was no one to push my parents into compliance. No one to reward of punish them for what I
would NOT do.
Certainly at barely six-teen I would not be allowed to be alone with a youthful man
of good looks, and sweet manners! It was so ingrained into my family that only what
the Church wanted, was what God wanted! What of Free Will? What of my wishes?
It had taken a lot of courage to leave that compound in the "dead of night" with nothing
but the clothes on my back! I only had them, because good sturdy clothes hid the
marks of the lash used to "convince me" the elders of the church knew my heart better
than I!
At first, I'd gone to Nevada, to do what I knew best. I had so many sisters and brothers
that I KNEW how to take care of small children. I KNEW when they were sick, tired or
hungry. I knew how to help keep a house clean and children clean and fed. I just didn't
like the way Nevada was ran. I didn't like the gambling, the drinking, the easy morals
of the woman I worked for. Then there was the night she brought home a man for me
to "meet." Once more I'd gone off into the night. This time I had a bag full of comfortable
clothes. This time I had a car. It wasn't much of a car. It was paid for. The clothes were
hand made. They fit me! They were just plain blue, or black, or white. I didn't want "Jewel
tones." I wanted to belong to ME! This time I had enough money to drive far away into
the darkness and I used it to get me as far away as I could! I had driven till I ran out of
money, till the old car was nearly spent and I needed to replenish my purse so I could
get even further away! Now I thought I knew who or what or where my Higher Power
was leading me.....It was not to a home full of plural wives to a man I did not want!
The sight of the huge lakes of North Idaho were a revelation to me! I had no idea
there were forests as there were here. I had no idea there were such people. These were
people who didn't seem to judge me for NOT being what they WANTED me to be.
I'd driven through the Palouse. That was where the appaloosa horse came from.
The wild hills were all gone, now it was grown to wheat and other crops. The tractor
was king in the Middle of Idaho. Each small hillock seemed to be plowed and planted
in a different configuration, a different pattern to confound the winds that seemed
to blow day and night! If the appaloosa horse ranged these grounds it was no wonder
he had huge lungs. To traverse these grounds he would HAVE to be strong of limb
and lung!
I'd seen a sign that said something about a lake. I thought I would drive to
the head of that gem of a lake and eat my lunch. I drove for half an hour, till I
breasted a hill into a small town. A hill into another century. I drove that old limping
"Olds" of mine into the arms of people who had rarely heard of plurals. I found a place
to stay. It was locally called "the shacks" but the rent was right. I found a job that
very day! My old car even had a garage, I could pull the door shut and no one would
see the Nevada plates. No one would put me together with that girl with a whole, and
different life a couple days drive from Twin Rivers!
I thought on telling him all of these things as we rode to town. He drove more
slowly now. He was not in a hurry to let me leave his side. I recognized that, and smiled!
"What are you thinking?" He took his hand from the stick shift on the truck long
enough to squeeze my hand.
"I'm thinking of the past, and yearning for a future!" I kept smiling.
"That is a puzzling answer!" He squeezed my hand in his warm and tough
grasp.
"Actually, I was storing away our day in,The Soldier's Meadow!" I squeezed
back. "That is a beautiful place. Thank you so much for sharing it with me!"
I felt as though I had fallen through the rabbit hole and my new name should be
Alice!
"You never give me a square answer! You seem to find a way to avoid
every question I ask. Why are you such a secret? " His face was intense though
the gentle way he held my hand never changed. He was asking, he was not demanding!
"Someday when you have more time than we have now, I will tell you the
story of my life!" I quipped."Remember,I live in the "party shacks?" I released
his hand and placed my hand on his knee. "I would love to do this again soon!"
I kissed him very quickly as I fled from that old rusty pick up and his waiting arms!
I literally fled from his truck and into my own little house! I heard him
gun the engine while I ran inside, turning on lights as I went. I didn't know why
I was suddenly so afraid of his company. I just knew I HAD to get away!