Ray and I raced up and down the Oregon coast. We went from the big trees of the red wood forests to Idaho border. we loved laughed and Made love ....Lots of making love in that bright red Super Sport.
I loved Idaho. It seemed full of mystery from it's desert beginnings to it's forested border Nearly in Canada. It was four weeks of love and laughter and more love. Four weeks of blissful married
life, before he climbed onto that plane and flew off to become a soldier.
He hadn't wanted to be in the army. we had plans, big plans. These were plans he'd instructed
me to carry on without him. ME. I was seven TEEN! How was I to know a farm house
in Northern Idaho from some ocean front property in Arizona. How was I to go on without him?
Ray, Well Ray was always there. he and I were different sides of the same coin. I met him at my grandmother's home when I was so
very young. I was still in my braids!
I was learning things from Grandmother. She was
teaching me about the local herbs. How to warm elderberry before I tried to use it for
anything because the juice was not fit for human use till after it was warmed. She taught
me about the root of the Oregon Grape. How the old ones blessed it for those who
breathed hard and could not get enough air in their lungs to go on. How to ceremonially
clean these roots that it might be properly blessed to their bodies that they might live
a better life. I called this asthma. she called it by many names. None of them asthma! It
was to her I turned when he went to his first duty station in Viet Nam. It was she who
held me while I died the many deaths of loneliness! It was she who slowly coaxed me
back into life.
Grandmother knew of all the traditional fish trap areas of Idaho. she knew of the religions
teachings of our people. The legends of the old ones she learned as a child. She also
knew of the Missions of the Palouse. She said there were many sins against the tribe
committed at those missions. It was forbidden to speak the language of their fathers
at the mission ground. It was forbidden to speak of the legends of her people or the
healing herbs of her trade. The girls were not taught how to dress a deer or build
a home for she and her family. In the true custom of their people.....The woman always
owned the home. It was she who put it up and took it down when they were to travel.
It was she who picked from the wilds and preserved the food for winter. It was she
who waited by the low burning fire for her warrior to come home. These were all
subjects forbidden by the white man's church. It was she who sat by the fires
late at night and told us of the trickster'the coyote.
It was Grandmother who taught us the art of delivering a baby for a friend. She
taught us to dip a new born babe into the snow if it refused to fill it's lungs with
life giving breath! She taught us so many things of her way of life. Her ways
were not ours. It was better we learned them in case we needed to eat of the
Camus, cook a squirrel or:" hide" a buffalo.It was better that we knew them as
these life skills might just save our life some day.
She told of Chief Joseph's wild
flight to Montana. she knew him personally,She told of his love for the land
and the loss of so many to gain so little. She taught self sufficiency and life
skills. The one skill she could not teach was .....How I was go on with out
Ray. How was I going to learn to stand on my feet and do what needed to
be done in his absence.. These things I had to learn for myself. She did teach
me to wait quietly and not show grief for those who had not died.. She taught
me to NOT look to much like a Native when dealing with the whites. She felt
It was the white man's job to steal from the Indian!
Slowly she taught me the ways. She taught me some medicine so I could
live without the white Dr. because they were not to be trusted. She taught
me how to make soap, tan hides and many of the ways of the old ones.
She taught me to wake early so I might ask thanks to the creator for this
Day. No matter what the Day brought,sun or rain it was a gift from
the creator and there was much good in it. She taught me how to pray
for the life of my man. She had prayed for many warriors by the time
she was my age. In the learning I felt my sorrow soften and my feelings
toward the white folks more and more turn against them. Once again
she set my feet upon a new path. That was the path of friendship
toward those I didn't understand. It was to give me freedom from the
imbalance so many of us had. We never learned to live with our brothers.
One day only we would recognize the differences, It was better to
celebrate how we were alike!
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
HOPE.....2
chapter 2. Idaho. HOPE.
The highway traced the lake's shore. The Blue of the Idaho sky was mirrored in it's
choppy waters. The wind moved the trees along it's shores. Water lapped at the earthen
beaches and birds and other animals made a living on the many ponds and mud flats along the highway.
Deer, elk , and other animals were often seen crossing the road. They were no
minders of Deer crossing signs. No one taught them to read. They were often found
dead along the side of the road where they were hit by swift moving traffic in
the dark of night.
I could smell Idaho. It smelled like home. Truth was, I was very close to
smelling Montana, and Canada. I didn't think of that when I tossed a very well worn
cd into the car's player. If it was warmer I would have her windows open. Not this time
of year. Not this car. That was another car, another time....another dream..
The music took me back to the bad old days. The days of "pushing" that "ss
390" as hard as it would go along a broken one lane highway into HOPE. The road
way was nothing but a connected series of pot holes back then.Somewhere close
to Clark Fork it became a dirt track. At times Highway 100 hung precariously
over the lake and crumbled down it's banks. This could be very dangerous if
you got to close to the side of the lake in the spring of the year. The "sluff offs"
as I called them claimed many cars by pulling them into the icey waters of the
big lake. Idaho 100 into Montana was known as one of the most dangerous
highways in Idaho. Many lives were claimed in these icy waters. Now, it
is much wider with guard rails and much safer. It is beautiful. It ranges from
Marsh to deep lake...the dark blue of islands can be seen off the shores and
Hurons can be seen standing "knee deep" in the waters off these shores.
Osprey soar. Their nests are atop specially placed poles on the lakes edge.
They build nests on power poles and any other place they can get above
the water.
Many many times you cross the Clark Fork River on bridges. These
are now new bridges made to carry the heavy loads of goods brought
many days down this road from Montana and points east. In the late
sixties they were in deplorable shape. They were narrow and this was
LOGGING truck habitat. It was best to stop and let them go through
first. I believe they spent a lot of time laughing at me.
I remember how we sat by the hour while we watched for the Moose
outside of Sandpoint
There was a sign along that marsh that promised us a moose to gawp at.
I stopped nearly every day on the way home from work.. I never did get to see that moose in our
travels. I noted many times this was prime Moose area.....not far from
a golf coarse that is often teaming with men and their machines. This time
the sign is gone. There is no need for us to stop and see if we can see
Mr Moose as we travel this new improved concrete path to Home.
I remember
breathing a sigh of relief as I crossed the last bridge and thought of another sign I'd once
seen. The sign read,"turn your clocks back 20 years you have just entered Idaho!"
There was a new sign now. A new road way. they were both welcome.
This sign said,"You have just entered HOPE IDAHO!" I remember thinking
I hoped it would be
prophetic. I'd had enough of "No Hope!" we were newly weds and he
was drafted. He was gone and I was left all alone to make choices
for both of us. some of those choices he would love. Others he would
loathe. It would take a while to discover which were his choices.
It would take a long time to see there was more to this man I was in
love with. There was more to him than I had ever dreamed. None of
it was really in my dreams. This was strange times. We were in a time
of war.
On that first trip out of Hope. That trip that was so full of hope cause
I was going to get my man. I remembered, listening to the Eagles, "Hotel
California!: Everything in Idaho seemed to have been washed clean by a midnight
rain. I knew it was midnight rain as I had sat through it at midnight. It was
raining so heavily. I wasn't comfortable driving in it's rush! It rained so hard that
night the wipers wouldn't handle it. It poured while I cuddled into a blanket
in the back seat and waited for it to slow. It rained in Athol, it rained in Hayden,
and in Coeur d'Alene. It rained and I waited in a park along the highway watching
the lightening flash into the splashing waters that were big enough to be
an inland sea. A lake that had once held a secret submarine training base
for world war II. I shivered and thought of other times and how
lonely I was with out Ray to lie beside, while I watched
"God's Fireworks" and dreamed of once more being in my Man's arms!
This time as before I came up through Idaho 95. Highway 95 was narrow twisty
and dangerous.
My car was a good one. I'd been lucky with husband's choice in cars.
That Super Sport tore up the highway. It was known to need a new set of
tires more often than other cars cause I couldn't resist burning the tires
that were on it. It hugged that road and never frightened me. Even in
winter it never became unsafe or recalcitrant. It went where I aimed it.
I usually aimed it at break neck speeds. I was 18 by then. A grown woman
with a home to make for my husband, responsibilities. I even had a job in
a Sandpoint nursing home. It wasn't so much that I needed the money. I
had the tribal allotment. I had Ray's money from the service. He had a tribal
allotment. We were "well set" for young people of the viet nam era. With my
little job I could make our home comfortable and get it ready for his homecoming.
War is hell on families. Specially this one. There were so many people who
cursed the warrior, not knowing he can not choose where he is sent. They
ought to know most of them would rather be home in their loved ones arms
then away over there in their loved ones thoughts and hearts. These people
ought to know just how empty my bed is without him.
In memory, Eagles Desperado blared from the radio of the Chevy.
That 67 was fast, sleek and comfortable! It held the road like a champ. I'd loved
it on sight, with it's automatic on the floor and wooden look Dash.The back seat
was big enough to sleep in. It was more than accommodating to make love in,
My husband wasted no time in illustrating that, the day he presented me with
the keys! It was fire engine red and just my style. It was FAST and FLASHY.
It suited my personality to a tee. I thought. It was ME!
Ray was so, ever so proud that day.Our wedding day,
Ray with his coal colored eyes. Ray
with is broad shoulders and muscled arms. Ray with is fine fine six pack
of abdominal muscles and nice bum. The memory of him then still had the
power to make me lick my lips and settle deeper into the well worn seat
of the Subaru I drove with Hope strapped firmly into the back seat. She wasn't
with us then. She would come later. Not much later though. She was made
in the back seat of that Super sport. I always thought she was concieved on
his first trip home.The one I remembered so well.
We were on our way back from Fairchild.
He'd come home for a few weeks before going to Viet Nam. We were just
a couple of Kids. I was in my late teens and he was about twenty. we weren't really
old enough to have all those things we wanted. We wanted toys. We wanted
a nice home. We wanted Muscle cars. We wanted land and lakes and play
grounds. I thought I'd found them all in Hope Idaho.
I was in love with
life. I had no idea he was afraid of it. Maybe, it was death he feared. He was
going back into a land of death. He was going back to a land of jungles, snakes and a war
no one wanted. He was drafted, and I would be alone. he was going to
see our "new home town" for the very first time.
At seventeen, I was very tall, tall and red headed with eyes that mirrored
his. Our child would be beautiful! Our child would be tall and thin as
a willow. She would be built like her Mother, her Mother's mother and her
aunts before her. She would be as beautiful as My mother and as smart
as his! She would have the high cheek bones of our ancestors and the
laughing personality of her father. These were more dreams I held. More
dreams to be shattered in an instant!
I'd found this place while he was on his first tour. It wasn't on the
water but you could see the huge lake and high mountains from there.
You could almost see Montana from there. The breezes came off the
lake at night to cool the large old house. I was beginning to have it restored
It was an old farm house with the wrap around porch of another era.
The house sat on a knoll above the vast expanse of Idaho. From the many panes
of the wide front windows that opened onto the
front porch you could just make out the bridge crossing into Hope. From
the side porch you could see the lake. From the back you could see
the mountains where the bear, deer, moose and cougar lived.
There was
an old barn on the property for live stock. I already had my horse and
a milk cow. I had a big dog named Sandy and apple trees seemed to
grow wild in the back. It had just the place for a tire swing and a" lean
to" for the car. It was perfect with it's many rooms and high ceilings.
The place was heated with wood and was already being stocked toward the
winters chill. I could see it in my mind as I drove round the lake. It
sat sparkling in the late spring sun like all dreams seem to sparkle in
memory. It was bigger grander and much more comfortable in my
memories than it ever was in reality.
Someday I would learn,Ray would hate it's every nail, and shingle.
He would hate it's old rusty barbed wire fence. He would hate it's breezes and it's waves
that lapped upon the edge of the lower road. He would hate the
sign at the dirt turn off.The sign that said Lightening creek Loop. He would probably
hate me.Most of all he hated the dust and bumps in the old gravel
road leading to the place.
The home that was my respite, my miracle
would be his prison. He was to hate it on sight, but keep it from
me in his stoic quiet way. It was alright with him till he got home
from the war. When he got home we would find something better.
Perhaps I would like to live closer to Spokane, Coeur d'Alene
or some town that was more suitable to the life he would like to
live. This time, the first time; he would act as though I had acquired
a miracle just for him.
On the way to hope, I swung my red Chevy into the park along
the lake. I'd thought to pick up food for the ride home in Spokane.
I had stopped for sandwiches, Deli chicken and drinks lay in a cooler
in my spacious trunk. I parked deep in the bushes among the trees
looking off into the waters of Pend Orielle lake. I could smell
the lake, the perfumes of spring lay thick in the air. One could
lay quietly and listen to the breeze in the
trees.The land seemed to call to me.The same land that sheltered
me through the storm the night before. This is where I sat sheltered
from the winds waiting for the rain to slow.
All at once I was shy with this man I'd known all my teen years.
I wanted to strip off the pretty blouse I wore for him. I wanted
to leave my jeans in a heap on the floor of my car and show off
the swim suit I wore under. I wanted him to put his big hands on
my body. I wanted his lips on my lips and I wanted to give myself
to him as I hadn't given myself ever before. Only to him. I wanted
no one else. I wanted him to smell the clean smell of my long red
hair and touch the secret places of my body. I wanted HIM...I was
his and he was mine. I WANTED those muscular arms around me
in the dappled sunshine of this hidden spot ...and I wanted him
to find all my hidden spots. It didn't take him long to find them or
the back seat. In our haste we had forgotten one key hinge to
this plan......Birth control.....Sooner than we planned, we would
be three.
I swung that old chevy expertly into the deep gravel that was
our drive. I loved the trees and bushes that lined that old
gravel road. I didn't even notice the dust. I was to busy avoiding
the washboard and the frost heaves that made up our
road. It wasn't long before I could see our house setting midst
the ancient trees with it's pond and it's secret little creeks
that swelled to torrents when it rained. Everything was
greening, the trees were budding and the apple trees were thick
with the song of the wild bees. The old house looked almost
like a castle. It sat alone in the forest. each gable had it's own
spire, title, and vistas of the huge lake. Each many paned window looked
out upon a fresh view .....Every view was beloved by me.
The highway traced the lake's shore. The Blue of the Idaho sky was mirrored in it's
choppy waters. The wind moved the trees along it's shores. Water lapped at the earthen
beaches and birds and other animals made a living on the many ponds and mud flats along the highway.
Deer, elk , and other animals were often seen crossing the road. They were no
minders of Deer crossing signs. No one taught them to read. They were often found
dead along the side of the road where they were hit by swift moving traffic in
the dark of night.
I could smell Idaho. It smelled like home. Truth was, I was very close to
smelling Montana, and Canada. I didn't think of that when I tossed a very well worn
cd into the car's player. If it was warmer I would have her windows open. Not this time
of year. Not this car. That was another car, another time....another dream..
The music took me back to the bad old days. The days of "pushing" that "ss
390" as hard as it would go along a broken one lane highway into HOPE. The road
way was nothing but a connected series of pot holes back then.Somewhere close
to Clark Fork it became a dirt track. At times Highway 100 hung precariously
over the lake and crumbled down it's banks. This could be very dangerous if
you got to close to the side of the lake in the spring of the year. The "sluff offs"
as I called them claimed many cars by pulling them into the icey waters of the
big lake. Idaho 100 into Montana was known as one of the most dangerous
highways in Idaho. Many lives were claimed in these icy waters. Now, it
is much wider with guard rails and much safer. It is beautiful. It ranges from
Marsh to deep lake...the dark blue of islands can be seen off the shores and
Hurons can be seen standing "knee deep" in the waters off these shores.
Osprey soar. Their nests are atop specially placed poles on the lakes edge.
They build nests on power poles and any other place they can get above
the water.
Many many times you cross the Clark Fork River on bridges. These
are now new bridges made to carry the heavy loads of goods brought
many days down this road from Montana and points east. In the late
sixties they were in deplorable shape. They were narrow and this was
LOGGING truck habitat. It was best to stop and let them go through
first. I believe they spent a lot of time laughing at me.
I remember how we sat by the hour while we watched for the Moose
outside of Sandpoint
There was a sign along that marsh that promised us a moose to gawp at.
I stopped nearly every day on the way home from work.. I never did get to see that moose in our
travels. I noted many times this was prime Moose area.....not far from
a golf coarse that is often teaming with men and their machines. This time
the sign is gone. There is no need for us to stop and see if we can see
Mr Moose as we travel this new improved concrete path to Home.
I remember
breathing a sigh of relief as I crossed the last bridge and thought of another sign I'd once
seen. The sign read,"turn your clocks back 20 years you have just entered Idaho!"
There was a new sign now. A new road way. they were both welcome.
This sign said,"You have just entered HOPE IDAHO!" I remember thinking
I hoped it would be
prophetic. I'd had enough of "No Hope!" we were newly weds and he
was drafted. He was gone and I was left all alone to make choices
for both of us. some of those choices he would love. Others he would
loathe. It would take a while to discover which were his choices.
It would take a long time to see there was more to this man I was in
love with. There was more to him than I had ever dreamed. None of
it was really in my dreams. This was strange times. We were in a time
of war.
On that first trip out of Hope. That trip that was so full of hope cause
I was going to get my man. I remembered, listening to the Eagles, "Hotel
California!: Everything in Idaho seemed to have been washed clean by a midnight
rain. I knew it was midnight rain as I had sat through it at midnight. It was
raining so heavily. I wasn't comfortable driving in it's rush! It rained so hard that
night the wipers wouldn't handle it. It poured while I cuddled into a blanket
in the back seat and waited for it to slow. It rained in Athol, it rained in Hayden,
and in Coeur d'Alene. It rained and I waited in a park along the highway watching
the lightening flash into the splashing waters that were big enough to be
an inland sea. A lake that had once held a secret submarine training base
for world war II. I shivered and thought of other times and how
lonely I was with out Ray to lie beside, while I watched
"God's Fireworks" and dreamed of once more being in my Man's arms!
This time as before I came up through Idaho 95. Highway 95 was narrow twisty
and dangerous.
My car was a good one. I'd been lucky with husband's choice in cars.
That Super Sport tore up the highway. It was known to need a new set of
tires more often than other cars cause I couldn't resist burning the tires
that were on it. It hugged that road and never frightened me. Even in
winter it never became unsafe or recalcitrant. It went where I aimed it.
I usually aimed it at break neck speeds. I was 18 by then. A grown woman
with a home to make for my husband, responsibilities. I even had a job in
a Sandpoint nursing home. It wasn't so much that I needed the money. I
had the tribal allotment. I had Ray's money from the service. He had a tribal
allotment. We were "well set" for young people of the viet nam era. With my
little job I could make our home comfortable and get it ready for his homecoming.
War is hell on families. Specially this one. There were so many people who
cursed the warrior, not knowing he can not choose where he is sent. They
ought to know most of them would rather be home in their loved ones arms
then away over there in their loved ones thoughts and hearts. These people
ought to know just how empty my bed is without him.
In memory, Eagles Desperado blared from the radio of the Chevy.
That 67 was fast, sleek and comfortable! It held the road like a champ. I'd loved
it on sight, with it's automatic on the floor and wooden look Dash.The back seat
was big enough to sleep in. It was more than accommodating to make love in,
My husband wasted no time in illustrating that, the day he presented me with
the keys! It was fire engine red and just my style. It was FAST and FLASHY.
It suited my personality to a tee. I thought. It was ME!
Ray was so, ever so proud that day.Our wedding day,
Ray with his coal colored eyes. Ray
with is broad shoulders and muscled arms. Ray with is fine fine six pack
of abdominal muscles and nice bum. The memory of him then still had the
power to make me lick my lips and settle deeper into the well worn seat
of the Subaru I drove with Hope strapped firmly into the back seat. She wasn't
with us then. She would come later. Not much later though. She was made
in the back seat of that Super sport. I always thought she was concieved on
his first trip home.The one I remembered so well.
We were on our way back from Fairchild.
He'd come home for a few weeks before going to Viet Nam. We were just
a couple of Kids. I was in my late teens and he was about twenty. we weren't really
old enough to have all those things we wanted. We wanted toys. We wanted
a nice home. We wanted Muscle cars. We wanted land and lakes and play
grounds. I thought I'd found them all in Hope Idaho.
I was in love with
life. I had no idea he was afraid of it. Maybe, it was death he feared. He was
going back into a land of death. He was going back to a land of jungles, snakes and a war
no one wanted. He was drafted, and I would be alone. he was going to
see our "new home town" for the very first time.
At seventeen, I was very tall, tall and red headed with eyes that mirrored
his. Our child would be beautiful! Our child would be tall and thin as
a willow. She would be built like her Mother, her Mother's mother and her
aunts before her. She would be as beautiful as My mother and as smart
as his! She would have the high cheek bones of our ancestors and the
laughing personality of her father. These were more dreams I held. More
dreams to be shattered in an instant!
I'd found this place while he was on his first tour. It wasn't on the
water but you could see the huge lake and high mountains from there.
You could almost see Montana from there. The breezes came off the
lake at night to cool the large old house. I was beginning to have it restored
It was an old farm house with the wrap around porch of another era.
The house sat on a knoll above the vast expanse of Idaho. From the many panes
of the wide front windows that opened onto the
front porch you could just make out the bridge crossing into Hope. From
the side porch you could see the lake. From the back you could see
the mountains where the bear, deer, moose and cougar lived.
There was
an old barn on the property for live stock. I already had my horse and
a milk cow. I had a big dog named Sandy and apple trees seemed to
grow wild in the back. It had just the place for a tire swing and a" lean
to" for the car. It was perfect with it's many rooms and high ceilings.
The place was heated with wood and was already being stocked toward the
winters chill. I could see it in my mind as I drove round the lake. It
sat sparkling in the late spring sun like all dreams seem to sparkle in
memory. It was bigger grander and much more comfortable in my
memories than it ever was in reality.
Someday I would learn,Ray would hate it's every nail, and shingle.
He would hate it's old rusty barbed wire fence. He would hate it's breezes and it's waves
that lapped upon the edge of the lower road. He would hate the
sign at the dirt turn off.The sign that said Lightening creek Loop. He would probably
hate me.Most of all he hated the dust and bumps in the old gravel
road leading to the place.
The home that was my respite, my miracle
would be his prison. He was to hate it on sight, but keep it from
me in his stoic quiet way. It was alright with him till he got home
from the war. When he got home we would find something better.
Perhaps I would like to live closer to Spokane, Coeur d'Alene
or some town that was more suitable to the life he would like to
live. This time, the first time; he would act as though I had acquired
a miracle just for him.
On the way to hope, I swung my red Chevy into the park along
the lake. I'd thought to pick up food for the ride home in Spokane.
I had stopped for sandwiches, Deli chicken and drinks lay in a cooler
in my spacious trunk. I parked deep in the bushes among the trees
looking off into the waters of Pend Orielle lake. I could smell
the lake, the perfumes of spring lay thick in the air. One could
lay quietly and listen to the breeze in the
trees.The land seemed to call to me.The same land that sheltered
me through the storm the night before. This is where I sat sheltered
from the winds waiting for the rain to slow.
All at once I was shy with this man I'd known all my teen years.
I wanted to strip off the pretty blouse I wore for him. I wanted
to leave my jeans in a heap on the floor of my car and show off
the swim suit I wore under. I wanted him to put his big hands on
my body. I wanted his lips on my lips and I wanted to give myself
to him as I hadn't given myself ever before. Only to him. I wanted
no one else. I wanted him to smell the clean smell of my long red
hair and touch the secret places of my body. I wanted HIM...I was
his and he was mine. I WANTED those muscular arms around me
in the dappled sunshine of this hidden spot ...and I wanted him
to find all my hidden spots. It didn't take him long to find them or
the back seat. In our haste we had forgotten one key hinge to
this plan......Birth control.....Sooner than we planned, we would
be three.
I swung that old chevy expertly into the deep gravel that was
our drive. I loved the trees and bushes that lined that old
gravel road. I didn't even notice the dust. I was to busy avoiding
the washboard and the frost heaves that made up our
road. It wasn't long before I could see our house setting midst
the ancient trees with it's pond and it's secret little creeks
that swelled to torrents when it rained. Everything was
greening, the trees were budding and the apple trees were thick
with the song of the wild bees. The old house looked almost
like a castle. It sat alone in the forest. each gable had it's own
spire, title, and vistas of the huge lake. Each many paned window looked
out upon a fresh view .....Every view was beloved by me.
Hope chapter 1 page 1
Where to start, where to start over again......I lost it.....but I am back in hope that I can get this down without losing it one more time.....totally fiction.....chapter 1 page 1.......HOPE.
The tires of my fairly old subaru seemed to sing over the new road to an old
place. This is to take my daughter back to her roots. this trip was to see roads I
haven't seen in years and visit places she has only visited in her child hood.
I am going back in time a time of laughter and love. Another life. I guess
I best introduce myself. I am Tondra, They call me Tawny. I'm Native American
and Look it. I've been told I am beautiful. I really don't believe that, though
I know I am in "fits and starts,": or can be- very charming and outgoing and....
How does one describe herself without at once sounding arrogant and dim witted.
I keep my hair a dark dark red. I like it like that. red hair is not only a
fashion statement, but a personality statement. It says I am ALIVE and I am
youthful. I'm both those things. I'm tall willow thin and big in all the right
places. I will never be a model. They have no boobs. I get mine from my Mama
and she has a set! I get my intellect from my Dad. He is sage in his advice and
his thoughts. His thought was, I married Ray much to young, but if we worked
at it we would do alright. He and Mama did! He wished we had waited to
have baby Ally. Some things are not planned but just happen. Some of them
are happy things, some of them only seem unhappy. This is as much her
story as mine, or Ray's.
Ray and I were married just as I turned seven-teen. He was so handsome.
I remember him in his wedding clothes. His black curling hair wouldn't quite
lay down. His big muscles in his arms and legs stretched that suit to it's limits
His shoulders contoured the suit coat as none other I'd ever seen. Maybe it
was a bit small for him...Maybe he was a bit big for it. Maybe he planned it
that way. He looked good enough to eat with a spoon! I knew he hid a
phenomenal six pack of abdominal muscles and the cutest little tush in four
states under that powder blue tux.He hid other things in there too....but Daddy
ask him not to show them to me till the wedding night. He honored my father's
wish
." It's not that I hadn't had a feel or two..I just hadn't sampled the product!"
As Ray would laugh later..we were young and we were in love.
My knees wobbled so badly I was afraid the whole family would hear
them knocking together while Daddy alternately walked and carried me
"down the isle" .....through the small setting of chairs in our church yard.
I saw tears in Daddy's eyes when he handed me over to the man that
would be my husband. The man I hoped to spend my life with. He said
softly to Ray. "Remember what happens if you mistreat my baby?" Thus
he gave my hand in Marriage to this beautiful young man I loved.
I have heard the ceremony was beautiful. I don't remember to much of
it. The butterflies in my stomach seemed to take on a life of their own. I
feared I would make a mess of this beautiful arbor of flowers and friends.
That would be something to lose your lunch all over your wedding dress.
The enormity of this thing we were doing seemed to over shadow everything!
It colored the beautiful day and silenced the song of the birds and insects
in this church garden. The ministers voice seemed to drone on, till Ray
stood in front of me with a ring in his hands. This was a ring he had magically
procured from the pocket of his friend Simon. It was a ring much bigger
than the one I'd let him pick for me in town. It was white gold with a large
diamond. It glistened on my hand in the morning sun. Tears dampened my
eyes. The minister had to prompt me twice to place my ring on Ray's finger.
When the "I DO's" were said the minister introduced us to the people we
had known all our lives. "This is Mr. and Mrs. Ray Couch!" He said over
the mike.
The whole family applauded as though they were first meeting us and
were happy for it to be so! I stood rooted to the ground with my small
hand in Ray's big strong hands. It dawned on me then, at that very moment
I would have a life time of his strength and quiet self assurance to hold me
up and never let me down!He was capable of holding me up forever as
he held me up at that very moment. Believe me, He was holding me UP!
Ray chose that moment, in front of both our families; to kiss me as he had
never kissed me before. I could feel the red spots grow on my cheeks as his muscled
body held tightly to mine. God How I wanted that man! It was LEGAL! I
barely made it through the dancing, feasting and cake smearing. I even
tempted him to come help me into my traveling dress....Smiling, he turned
me down..."Later Darling, I'll help you out of it!" He whispered!
Sally, " matron of Honor," helped me. I have no idea what I would
have done with out her. Even so ; I think his help would have been
a lot less productive. I am sure, to this day it would have been a lot more
fun!!
I threw the wedding bouquet, trying my hardest to hit Sally's little sister
Jan in the face with it! I never knew who caught the durn thing. The old
shoes, cans and condoms were tied to a spanking new Chevy super sport.
IT was beautiful. It fairly glowed in the sunshine. It was Brilliant red,
The interior seemed to be made of wood, the shift lever was on the
floor and it was as fast as it was beautiful...It took my breath away.
Ray
LIFTED me into my brand new wedding gift. I could feel the leather
seats under my pastel "going away" dress! I could smell it's" New car
smell!"
"Do you like it Tawny?" He spoke into the wind driven by the
speed he was traveling.
" I love it..."I answered him in earnest, while he put a Tape into
the tape deck. Elvis blared out of the speakers and he took my
hand in his while he threaded the big powerful car from the
city to farm land near by. He took my hand in his. My left hand
with the newly minted circlet of gold and it's large diamond decorating
my hand.
"I want you to love it Tawny," He smiled as he took his hand
from mine and placed mine on his now bulging man hood.
I have to tell you, I was kind of shy of that!
"We might as well break it in!" He swerved my beautiful bright
red chevy from the paved road we'd been driving onto a dirt track into
a farmers field. He glided it's glistening red luxury into a dimly lit
barn, beside a huge piece of machinery. I turned my head while he
got out to urinate beside the big green monster! The tires were taller
than my Tall Strong man...I was amazed that he climbed into the
back seat of the Super Sport, instead of into the drivers seat.
"I told you we were going to break it in right!" he leered, as he pulled
me unceremoniously into the back with him. In that car I was
to learn all about speed! That Chevy taught me how to love it!
Ray taught me all about sex. I was destined to love him!
Much later while I lay in his arms, totally nude and not at all
shy...He told me his cousin and he planned the trip to the barn!
He thought the whole idea was so very romantic! I thought
the lovely motel room down the coast was more on my list of
romantic places! In truth I was as much in a hurry to see what
the great mystery was all about as he was in a hurry to teach me!
The way I loved that man must have made the Gods Jealous. He
was a beautiful man. His body was a statue. He had huge bulging
arms, broad shoulders and well, you figure out the rest...
"I want you to have a car you can depend upon while I am away. I
want to know you are not stalled on some road in Idaho while I am
not there to protect you! You still plan to go to Idaho to find
us a spot." He smiled cause we had talked of little else in the days
before our wedding. He would go away to learn to be a soldier
and I would go to find us a home! A home that was not listed on
any reservation lands list! He wanted Idaho for it's fishing and
hunting. I wanted Idaho because I wanted to raise lots of kids,
horses, puppies and a few cows! I wanted it to be in Idaho where
the air was still clean and the kids could grow where there were
lots of opportunities and no snakes!
I wanted to be near the" Nez Perce." This was the tribe that was
my mothers by tradition and by birth! I wanted to be near these
people, near her birth place. I just didn't want to be a part of the
reservation! I wanted my children to grow as I had. I wanted
them to have a "foot" in each world. This to me was the best
of both worlds.
The tires of my fairly old subaru seemed to sing over the new road to an old
place. This is to take my daughter back to her roots. this trip was to see roads I
haven't seen in years and visit places she has only visited in her child hood.
I am going back in time a time of laughter and love. Another life. I guess
I best introduce myself. I am Tondra, They call me Tawny. I'm Native American
and Look it. I've been told I am beautiful. I really don't believe that, though
I know I am in "fits and starts,": or can be- very charming and outgoing and....
How does one describe herself without at once sounding arrogant and dim witted.
I keep my hair a dark dark red. I like it like that. red hair is not only a
fashion statement, but a personality statement. It says I am ALIVE and I am
youthful. I'm both those things. I'm tall willow thin and big in all the right
places. I will never be a model. They have no boobs. I get mine from my Mama
and she has a set! I get my intellect from my Dad. He is sage in his advice and
his thoughts. His thought was, I married Ray much to young, but if we worked
at it we would do alright. He and Mama did! He wished we had waited to
have baby Ally. Some things are not planned but just happen. Some of them
are happy things, some of them only seem unhappy. This is as much her
story as mine, or Ray's.
Ray and I were married just as I turned seven-teen. He was so handsome.
I remember him in his wedding clothes. His black curling hair wouldn't quite
lay down. His big muscles in his arms and legs stretched that suit to it's limits
His shoulders contoured the suit coat as none other I'd ever seen. Maybe it
was a bit small for him...Maybe he was a bit big for it. Maybe he planned it
that way. He looked good enough to eat with a spoon! I knew he hid a
phenomenal six pack of abdominal muscles and the cutest little tush in four
states under that powder blue tux.He hid other things in there too....but Daddy
ask him not to show them to me till the wedding night. He honored my father's
wish
." It's not that I hadn't had a feel or two..I just hadn't sampled the product!"
As Ray would laugh later..we were young and we were in love.
My knees wobbled so badly I was afraid the whole family would hear
them knocking together while Daddy alternately walked and carried me
"down the isle" .....through the small setting of chairs in our church yard.
I saw tears in Daddy's eyes when he handed me over to the man that
would be my husband. The man I hoped to spend my life with. He said
softly to Ray. "Remember what happens if you mistreat my baby?" Thus
he gave my hand in Marriage to this beautiful young man I loved.
I have heard the ceremony was beautiful. I don't remember to much of
it. The butterflies in my stomach seemed to take on a life of their own. I
feared I would make a mess of this beautiful arbor of flowers and friends.
That would be something to lose your lunch all over your wedding dress.
The enormity of this thing we were doing seemed to over shadow everything!
It colored the beautiful day and silenced the song of the birds and insects
in this church garden. The ministers voice seemed to drone on, till Ray
stood in front of me with a ring in his hands. This was a ring he had magically
procured from the pocket of his friend Simon. It was a ring much bigger
than the one I'd let him pick for me in town. It was white gold with a large
diamond. It glistened on my hand in the morning sun. Tears dampened my
eyes. The minister had to prompt me twice to place my ring on Ray's finger.
When the "I DO's" were said the minister introduced us to the people we
had known all our lives. "This is Mr. and Mrs. Ray Couch!" He said over
the mike.
The whole family applauded as though they were first meeting us and
were happy for it to be so! I stood rooted to the ground with my small
hand in Ray's big strong hands. It dawned on me then, at that very moment
I would have a life time of his strength and quiet self assurance to hold me
up and never let me down!He was capable of holding me up forever as
he held me up at that very moment. Believe me, He was holding me UP!
Ray chose that moment, in front of both our families; to kiss me as he had
never kissed me before. I could feel the red spots grow on my cheeks as his muscled
body held tightly to mine. God How I wanted that man! It was LEGAL! I
barely made it through the dancing, feasting and cake smearing. I even
tempted him to come help me into my traveling dress....Smiling, he turned
me down..."Later Darling, I'll help you out of it!" He whispered!
Sally, " matron of Honor," helped me. I have no idea what I would
have done with out her. Even so ; I think his help would have been
a lot less productive. I am sure, to this day it would have been a lot more
fun!!
I threw the wedding bouquet, trying my hardest to hit Sally's little sister
Jan in the face with it! I never knew who caught the durn thing. The old
shoes, cans and condoms were tied to a spanking new Chevy super sport.
IT was beautiful. It fairly glowed in the sunshine. It was Brilliant red,
The interior seemed to be made of wood, the shift lever was on the
floor and it was as fast as it was beautiful...It took my breath away.
Ray
LIFTED me into my brand new wedding gift. I could feel the leather
seats under my pastel "going away" dress! I could smell it's" New car
smell!"
"Do you like it Tawny?" He spoke into the wind driven by the
speed he was traveling.
" I love it..."I answered him in earnest, while he put a Tape into
the tape deck. Elvis blared out of the speakers and he took my
hand in his while he threaded the big powerful car from the
city to farm land near by. He took my hand in his. My left hand
with the newly minted circlet of gold and it's large diamond decorating
my hand.
"I want you to love it Tawny," He smiled as he took his hand
from mine and placed mine on his now bulging man hood.
I have to tell you, I was kind of shy of that!
"We might as well break it in!" He swerved my beautiful bright
red chevy from the paved road we'd been driving onto a dirt track into
a farmers field. He glided it's glistening red luxury into a dimly lit
barn, beside a huge piece of machinery. I turned my head while he
got out to urinate beside the big green monster! The tires were taller
than my Tall Strong man...I was amazed that he climbed into the
back seat of the Super Sport, instead of into the drivers seat.
"I told you we were going to break it in right!" he leered, as he pulled
me unceremoniously into the back with him. In that car I was
to learn all about speed! That Chevy taught me how to love it!
Ray taught me all about sex. I was destined to love him!
Much later while I lay in his arms, totally nude and not at all
shy...He told me his cousin and he planned the trip to the barn!
He thought the whole idea was so very romantic! I thought
the lovely motel room down the coast was more on my list of
romantic places! In truth I was as much in a hurry to see what
the great mystery was all about as he was in a hurry to teach me!
The way I loved that man must have made the Gods Jealous. He
was a beautiful man. His body was a statue. He had huge bulging
arms, broad shoulders and well, you figure out the rest...
"I want you to have a car you can depend upon while I am away. I
want to know you are not stalled on some road in Idaho while I am
not there to protect you! You still plan to go to Idaho to find
us a spot." He smiled cause we had talked of little else in the days
before our wedding. He would go away to learn to be a soldier
and I would go to find us a home! A home that was not listed on
any reservation lands list! He wanted Idaho for it's fishing and
hunting. I wanted Idaho because I wanted to raise lots of kids,
horses, puppies and a few cows! I wanted it to be in Idaho where
the air was still clean and the kids could grow where there were
lots of opportunities and no snakes!
I wanted to be near the" Nez Perce." This was the tribe that was
my mothers by tradition and by birth! I wanted to be near these
people, near her birth place. I just didn't want to be a part of the
reservation! I wanted my children to grow as I had. I wanted
them to have a "foot" in each world. This to me was the best
of both worlds.
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